Spiked
by Ayumi Elric
Summary: One day I decide to spike Roy's drink. Ends up everyone gets some. Complete randomness that I have made, more random then Poup! New chapter gets 'drunk' each chapter! [Chapter 6 is M rated due to some disturbing stuff. X3]
1. Spiked Coffee

**YAY!!! Really all this is, is a fanfic where I make everyone kinda drunkish, so I have fun with it. It was originally a one shot, but I am gonna continue with it.**

**Disclaimer: Full Metal Alchemist I don't own. **

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Central…

Ed and Al are both in the cafeteria, snacking on…..stuff.

"Heh he heh." I say quietly, sneaking past them and into Roy's office. I hold in my hand a concoction I have created, to render anyone who drinks it in a large drunken state without the liver damage and whatnot.

Roy was at his desk, hard at work. He snored loudly.

I snuck in, giggling to myself. Quietly, I poured it into Roy's coffee, then poured it into the coffee machine just in case. When they got a coffee machine, I don't know.

"WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!" I laughed, throwing my head back.

"THE HELL?!" Roy yelled, waking up.

I stared at him.

He stared at me.

"Drink your coffee." I said, running off.

Roy blinked, staring at his coffee. He shrugged, gulping it down.

"GIMME A CORN MUFFIN, STAT!!!" I yelled at the café guy.

He stared at me, giving me a corm muffin. "That'll be $1.75." He said.

"WHAT?! THAT MUCH FOR A CORN MUFFIN?!" I roared, smashing something hard into his head and running off.

"Ayumi!!" Ed yelled.

I ran over to him. "Yes my love?" I asked.

"Shut up!" He said, eating his donut.

I blinked. "YOU CAN'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!!" I yelled, but sat down and ate my corm muffin quietly.

"Brother, don't forget you had to go to Colonel Mustang." Al said, gulping down his juice.

"Crap, you're right!" Ed said, running off.

Al and I looked at each other, and followed him.

Ed knocked on Roy's door. "Mustang?" He asked.

Roy's giggles answered him.

I whistled innocently, then stopped.

Ed stared at me, then opened the door.

Roy was lying on his desk, giggling and staring at the ceiling.

"Mustang?" Ed asked.

Roy looked at him. "FULLMETAL----" He yelled. "Cupcake." He said, holding one up.

We stare at him.

"RAUGH!!! MONKEYS ARE FLYING FROM PLANET KRYPNOCK!!!" Roy yelled suddenly, falling off his desk and rolling all over the floor.

"Gawd, he lost his mind." Al said, shaking his head.

Jean walked in, smoking his cigarettes. "Yo." He said.

I gasped. "YOU FOOL!!!! SMOKING KILLS!!!" I yelled, snatching his cigarette and stomping on it.

"NUUUU!!!" Jean yelled. He lit up another one.

"JEANY-BABY!!" Roy yelled, hopping up and hugging Jean.

"FOR THE LOVE OF--GET THE HELL OFF ME!!!" Jean yelled.

"Have some coffee!! It really yum yum!!" Roy said, forcing coffee down Jean's throat.

"Oh crap…" I muttered.

Jean sputtered, and choked but still drank the coffee. "What the hell?" He said.

Ed stared at him.

Jean put his hand on his chin, nodding slowly. "Interesting……" He said. Then he got on the ground, doing the worm and singing "It's Peanut Butter Jelly Time!! Peanut Butter Jelly Time!!"

"IT'S THE COFFEE!!! IT'S CURSED!!!" I yelled.

Ed looked at me. "You did this." He said.

"NO, I DIDN'T!!!" I yelled, bursting to tears.

"Yeah, you did." Ed said.

"So?" I asked.

Al ignored us, pouring himself a cup of coffee.

Ed gasped. "AL, NUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!" He said in slow motion, running over to him, also in slow motion.

Al just looked at him, and gulped it down.

"Damn…" Ed said.

Roy and Jean started tangoing. Jean held a rose in his mouth, and dipped Roy.

"Whee!!" Roy said.

Al jumped up on the desk. "YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS?!" He yelled.

Roy and Jean yelled "WHAT?!"

I gulped down some coffee.

"NUMA TIME!!!" Al yelled, striking a disco pose.

"YAY!!!" I yelled.

Ed sighed, the only sane person in the room.

"Allo!!" I said, sneaking behind Ed and pouring the concoction down his throat.

"Salut!" Roy and Jean said together, saluting Al.

"Sin yel, un hydook!" Al said, flipping of the desk.

"She teraw?" Roy asked Jean, pointing to me.

"Youbeera mah." Jean said, shrugging.

"Primesh der?!" I said, slapping Roy.

"Vericheera!" Ed joined in, pointing to Roy and laughing.

"Allo, allo!" Jean said, shaking Al and Ed's hand.

"Sint yel?" Ed asked Al.

"Picasso!!" I said, pointing to a demented picture.

"Tiam dat beep." Roy said, rubbing his cheek.

"She sen voynic." Al said, sighing.

"UN DAR SEGE TI NOTES CHER NIMEEK?!!!!" I yelled.

"Vrais a pleche dar numa numa i-ay." Al sang, clapping his hands.

"Numa numa i-ay. Numa numa numa i-ay." Ed sang, starting to breakdance.

"Kipul tow she dragosta din tay." Roy sang, doing the cha cha.

"Ma mintesc day oki ti-ay." I finished, bowing.

"But why?!" Jean cried, falling to his knees. "WHY?!"

"Because young grasshopper. I SAID SO!!" Al yelled, kicking Jean in the gut.

"YOW, MY APPENDIX!!!" Jean yelled.

Roy and Ed sat on a couch, giggling.

Roy stroked Ed's hair, then kissed him on the lips.

"WAUGH!!!! OH GAWD, I NEED SOAP!!!" Ed yelled, running away.

"I got soap AND pudding!" Jean said, giving them to Ed.

"FUCK YOU!!" Ed said, eating both.

Roy started crying. "Ed hates me!"

"YOU DAMN RIGHT I HATE YOU!!" Ed yelled.

"GUYS STOP!!" I yelled.

Everything stopped.

"Look, I shall teach the history of the world." I said.

"YAY!!!" Al said, sitting on the couch.

Jean grabbed some popcorn.

Ed brushed his teeth, spitting into Jean's popcorn.

Roy continued to cry.

"Okay! For centuries, dinosaurs roamed the Earth!!" I said. "oooWAAAAHRIIIIII!!!!" I bellowed.

Jean ate his popcorn. "WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST EAT?!"

"oooooWAAAAAAAHRIIIIIII!!!!" I bellowed again.

"WAAAAAAAAAYraaaAAAOOOOOOH!!!!!" Roy answered.

"And then a giant comet game and smashed them all to bits!!" I yelled, smashing my fist into Roy's desk and breaking it in half.

"OH NOES!! THE POOR DINOES!!!" Al yelled.

"Oh they're fine. They just all died horrible deaths." Ed said.

"Oh, okay." Al said.

"AND US HUMANS WERE MADE!!" I said.

"YAY!!!"

"But horrible wars were made, and it was HELL ON EARTH!!! Until something called anime made peace." I said smiling widely.

Roy yawned. "Boring."

"WELL, FUCK YOU!!!" I yelled.

"I HATE YOU!!" Jean yelled. "I'M LEAVING!!"

"OH NOES!!! WE CAN'T, WE'RE TRAPPED HERE!!!" I yelled, pointing to the wide open door.

"AUGH!!! WE'LL STARVE TO DEATH!!" Ed yelled.

"I'M NOT EATING ED EVEN THOUGH HE'S A SHRIMP!!" Roy yelled, pounding his fists on the couch.

"WHO THE HELL ARE YOU CALLING A TORTLE!?!?!" Ed yelled.

"WHAT THE HELL IS A TORTLE?!" Jean yelled.

"Duh. A cross of a turtle and a tortoise." Ed said.

"A chortle?" Al asked.

"CH-CH-CH-CHIA!!!" I sang.

Jean stared at me. "What the hell?"

"The ch sound remind me of it." I said plainly.

"NUUUUUU!!! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!" Roy yelled.

"We might as well enjoy ourselves in our last hours." Jean said sadly.

"I know!" Ed said, folding his arms. "Jean, gimme a beat!"

Jean started beatboxing, or rather, spitting awkwardly into his hand.

Everyone stared at him.

"Al give me a beat!" Ed said.

"I wanna give a beat!" Roy cried.

"Too bad!" Ed yelled as Al started beatboxing.

I nodded my head with the beat.

"There once was a cookie named Steeve. Who fell off a bridge to a bloody death and all his guts came out and noone ever knew." He rapped.

"Why?! Oh, why?!" Jean rapped, shaking his fists at the sky.

"Except…me!" I rapped, striking a dramatic pose.

Everyone else gasped.

"For you see, I only did what I had to do. And that is true." I rapped. "I killed the cook!"

"The crook?" Roy rapped.

"THE COOK!!" I rapped back. "And now you see why, it's time to die." I rapped, holding up a cookie with a face on it. "No more light with a one eyed bite." I said, turning off the light and biting Steeve's eye off.

"YEEEEEEEEKKK!!!" Al screamed.

"Good bye, good bye. No more Steeve." I rapped, finishing Steeve off.

"NUU!!" Roy yelled, springing to his feet. "You murderer!!!"

Ed and Al stood at Steeve's grave. "We'll miss him." Ed said sadly. Al nodded.

"Eeeh, Macarena!" Jean sang suddenly.

Al pressed a button, and music from La Macarena floated in.

I walked into the middle of the room, wearing Spanish clothes.

"WHOO!! HOT CHAMAMA!!" Roy yelled.

I winked, dancing.

"WHOO!!" Ed yelled.

"When I dance they call me Macarena! All the boys they say I'm muy buena. They all want me, they can't have me, so they come and dance beside me." I sang, as Ed, Al, Jean and Roy start dancing with me. "Move with me, jam with me, and if your good I'll take you home with me." I sang, taking Ed's hand and pulling him toward me.

"A la tuhuelpa legria macarena. Que tehuelce paralla legria cosabuena. A la tuhuelpa legria macarena. HEY MACERENA!" Jean sang.

"A la tuhuelpa legria macarena. Que tehuelce paralla legria cosabuena. A la tuhuelpa legria macarena. HEY MACERENA!" Ed, Roy and Al sang.

"Ya'll got no idea what ya'll are sayin, do ya?" I asked.

"Nope." Ed answered.

I shrugged. "Now don't you worry 'bout my boyfriend. The boy who's name is Roy Mustang." I said, draping myself around Roy.

Roy smiled, giggling.

"HA! I don't want him! Can't stand him. He was no good so I- Ahahahahaa!!" I sang, pushing Roy hard away from me.

Roy tripped, falling to the ground and started crying. He crawled over to a corner and sobbed in his gloom.

Jean looked at me, shaking his head.

I looked at Jean. "Now, come on. What was I supposed to do…? He was outta town. And his two friends were soooo fine." I said, wrapping myself on Ed and Al.

Ed and Al grinned at each other.

"A la tuhuelpa legria macarena. Que tehuelce paralla legria cosabuena. A la tuhuelpa legria macarena. HEY MACERENA!" Jean sang.

"A la tuhuelpa legria macarena. Que tehuelce paralla legria cosabuena. A la tuhuelpa legria macarena. HEY MACERENA!" Jean, Al and Ed sang.

"Come and find me, my name is Macarena. Always at the party 'cause the chicos think I'm buena. Come join me, dance with me and all your fellows chat around with me!" I said as we all danced again.

"A la tuhuelpa legria macarena. Que tehuelce paralla legria cosabuena. A la tuhuelpa legria macarena. HEY MACERENA!" We finished together.

"PUMPKINS!!" Jean yelled.

"Jinkies, looks like we've got a mystery to solve, gang!" Roy said, wearing glasses.

"Roh oh." Jean said, gulping and in a dog suit.

Ed peered at the ground. He shook his head. "Looks like this person was beaten the crap outta, ripped in half, strangled by his colon, and forced to listen to Barney." He said, staring at nothing.

"Gee Fred, who would do such a thing?" I asked, suddenly dressed in a sexy outfit.

"This is one sick man." Al said, scratching his head.

"Rick ran. Ruh huh." Jean said, nodding. "Rim rared Raggy."

Al patted Jean's head. "I don't kno what the hell you just said Scoob."

"Jinkies!" Roy exclaimed.

"We have to split up! Me and Daphne and Scoob, Velma and Shaggy okay? Break!" Ed said, taking my hand and pulling me to another side of the room.

"Fred, why do I always end up being with you?" I asked.

"Cause it's my way of copping a feel." Ed said.

"RAT RHE RELL?! RED'S A RERVERT!!!" Jean yelled.

"JINKIES, SPEAK ENGLISH DAMMIT!!!" Roy yelled.

"This is strange. Lets stop." Al said.

"Can I stay in this outfit? It makes me look sexy." I said.

"Everything you wear makes you look sexy." Roy said, winking at him.

I answer by kicking him in the nuts.

"OWW!! ME NACHOS!!" Roy yelled, clutching his groin.

Ed shook his head. "You have no idea how that hurts." Ed said.

"Whateva." I said.

"I'm serious! When you girls get hit there you only go 'Oww.' For us it hurts like hell. Like, the worst pain eva." Ed said, wincing.

"Oh? More painful then childbirth?!" I said, putting my hands on my hips.

Ed stared at me, eyes twitching. "No. Guess you're right."

"I'm always right." I said, kissing Ed.

Jean sighed. "I want my coconut." He moaned.

"Coconut?" Al asked.

Jean nodded. "She left me for kiwi!" He sobbed.

Al patted his shoulder.

"PUT THE LIME IN THE COCONUT AND SHAKE THEM BOTH TOGETHER!!!" I yelled, then sickened myself and threw up.

Roy poked my vomit, and licked his finger. "Needs salt."

Ed laughed loudly. "FUCK YOU!!!!" He roared at Roy.

Roy cried.

**That's all for this chapter! Complete randomness eh? Please review cause reviews make me feel warm inside…when they're good.**


	2. uh WTF!

**YAY!!! New chapter!! WHOO!! Hope ya'll liked the last one. This one will be really random.**

**Disclaimer: I don't Full Metal Alchemist or any of the other songs and etc. I used.**

**----------------------------**

"On the last episode, Ed, Al, Ayumi, Jean and Roy were trapped inside Roy's office with no food and only a coffee machine. What will they ever do?" Some narrator guy said.

"Dude, what the fuck?" Ed asked.

Everyone sat in a circle, and I was giving Roy a manicure. "And then she comes up to me and says like, 'Hey, you're a bitch!'"

"Oh no she didn't!" Roy said, eyes widened.

"She did! And then I look at her and be all 'Well, at least I'm not a whore!' Then I like, slap her really hard!"

"Oh, you go girl!" Al said, smacking his gum.

Jean was in the corner, crying.

We started gossiping. "Did you see what he was wearing yesterday?" Ed asked.

"I knoooooow!!!" Al said.

"We gossiping folks!" I said,

"Musi ques, I sews on bews, I pues a twos on que zat." Roy sang.

"Pue zoo?" I sang back.

"My kizzer." Roy sang.

"Pous zigga ay zee!" I sang, cartwheeling.

"It's all kizza." Roy sang.

"It's always like?" I sang.

"It's all kizza!" Roy sang.

"It's always like? Na zound, wa zee, wa zoom zoom zee!!!" I sang loudly.

"Gawd, I'm hungry!" Ed whined.

Hughes ran through the open door. "Who wants to see pictures of my wonderful daughter Elysia?" He asked.

"Le gasp!" Al said, pointing to Hughes. "How did you do that?!"

"Huh?" Hughes asked.

"Ya want some coffee?" Ed asked, giggling and giving Hughes some coffee.

Hughes ignored Ed's slightly disturbing giggling and gulped down the coffee.

"CORN!!!" Jean yelled, crawling back to the group.

"They make the best muffins." I said.

Hughes nodded. "They don't even taste like corn!" He exclaimed.

"If it did, it would taste nasty." Al said, nodding his head.

"Yeah, like a broccoli muffin. Or a beet muffin." Roy said.

"Or worse…..MILK MUFFIN!!!!!" I yelled, pretending to faint.

"YAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!" Jean yelled.

"MILK MUFFIN?!" Ed yelled. "NUUUUUU!!!!" He yelled, falling to his knees. "WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!" Ed yelled, sobbing.

I sighed quietly, sitting on the ground. "Fuck you." I said quietly.

"It's okay." Roy said, patting my shoulder.

"WHO ASKED YOU?!" I yelled, punching Roy in his face.

"We have to find a way out of here!" Al said.

"You mean we're trapped?!" Hughes said, looking scared.

Ed nodded. "Duh, why would we stay in here?"

"NUUUUUUUU!!!!" Hughes yelled, falling to his knees and crying.

I jumped up on the desk that happened to be fixed. "Oh Romeo, Romeo, where for out thou Romeo?" I asked. "ROMEO, GET YA ASS OVER HERE, DAMMIT!!!" I yelled.

Jean leaped over to me. "It is I, Romeo!" He announced.

"Romeo!" I squealed, hopping from my balcony and hugging him. "Can you believe it? That little nasty, Mercutio keeps hitting on me! Be a doll and slay him for me, 'kay?" I said, putting my hands on my hips and smacking imaginary gum.

"Sure, whatever." Jean said shrugging.

Ed started strutting around the room, humming.

Jean picked up a pen and stabbed Ed.

"AUGH!! I AM SLAIN!!" Ed yelled, falling to the ground and doing some disturbing twitches and jerks before pretending to be dead.

"NUUUUU!!! MERCUTIO!!!" I yelled, falling to my knees next to Ed. I stroked his hair out of his face. "He was the only man I ever loved…." I said sadly. "ROMEO, YOU BASTARD!" I cried, sobbing into my hand.

"But…..but…." Jean stammered.

"I won't live without you Mercutio!" I said, pulling out a plastic knife. "Oh happy dagger! This is thy sheath! There rust...and let me die!!!" I yelled, stabbing myself in the chest and falling ontop of Ed.

"NUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!" Al yelled.

"FUCK YOU!!!" Roy yelled at Jean.

"I didn't mean it! She told me too!" Jean yelled, crying.

"Ha! You think that would kill us?!" Ed said, springing up.

"You underestimate us." I said, shaking my head. "Cause we still alive!"

"Whether you're a brother or whether you're a mother, you're stayin' alive, stayin' alive." Ed sang in a high-pitched voice, pointing to Al and me and discoing.

"I'M NOT A MOTHER!!!" I yelled. I shrugged. "Feel the city breakin' and EVERYBODY shakin' and we're stayin' alive, stayin' alive." I sang, as everyone started shaking like there was an earthquake.

"Ah ha ha ha, stayin' alive, stayin' alive." Ed sang.

"AH HA HA HA, stayin' aliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiive." I sang.

Al started crying. "That was so beautiful."

Roy nodded, all choked up.

"I WANNA GET OUTTA HERE!!" Hughes yelled.

"Let's try to get out!" Jean said.

"Which way?" Al asked.

"To the left!!" Ed yelled, and everyone walked to the left.

"To the right!!" Roy argued, and everyone walked to the right.

"Take it back now, ya'll!!" Jean said as everyone walked backwards.

"Cha cha real smooth!!" I yelled as we all started to do the cha cha.

"WAIT!!!" Hughes suddenly yelled.

"WHAT?!" Al yelled.

"If it hadn't been for Cotton Eyed Joe, I'd be married a long time ago." Roy said, shaking his head.

"Where did he come from?!" Hughes asked.

"And where did he go?!" Jean asked.

"Where did he come from, Cotton Eyed Joe?!" Ed asked.

I yawned.

"You know what?" Jean asked.

"WHAT?! WHAT THE BLOODY 'ELL DO YOU WANT NOW?!" I yelled in a british accent.

"I'm hot." Jean said.

"So?" Roy asked.

"I'm really really hot." Jean sang. "Everytime my records drop." Jean sang, dropping something. "Radio says I won't stop. Cus' I'm killing 'em." He said, dropping to the ground and pretending to be dead.

"Ypu don't know whatcha' talkin' 'bout." Roy rapped. "You would think I was Sug when I come out." He rapped, suddenly wearing flashy clothes. "My albums hit hard when I roll out." He rapped, whacking Al on the head. "Ya'll records wanna make a bitch wanna' throw 'em out. And that's no doubt." He said, pointing to me.

Al started crying.

"DON'T HIT MY BROTHER!!!" Ed yelled.

"WHO THE HELL ARE YOU CALLING SO BITCHY, SHE'S A BIOTCH?!" I yelled.

"HEY?! DON'T STEAL MY SPAZZES! I GOT COPYRIGHT ON THAT!!!" Ed yelled.

"BILL NYE THE SCIENCE GUY!!!!" Hughes yelled suddenly.

"Ed Nye, the Science Guy." I sang.

"Ed, Ed, Ed, Ed, Ed, Ed!" Roy and Al said, pumping their fists in the air with each 'Ed'.

"Ed Nye the Science Guy!!!" Jean yelled.

Ed played some funky notes.

"Science rules." I said.

Ed played more notes.

"Ed Nye the Science Guy!!" Jean, Roy, Al, and Hughes sang.

"Inertia is a property of matter." I said.

"Ed, Ed, Ed, Ed, Ed, Ed." Al and Jean sang.

"Ed Nye the Science Guy." Hughes said in a deep voice.

"Ed! Ed! Ed! Ed!" Everyone sang.

"T minus 7 seconds." I muttered.

"Ed! Ed! Ed! Ed! Ed! Ed!"

"Ed Nye the Science Guy!!" We all finished.

"GAWD, We rule!!!" Jean said.

"Whateva!" Al said, sighing.

"I feel like killing someone." I said.

Suddenly, a mosquito randomly flies in.

Everyone stares at it.

"Kill the mosquito." Hughes said, glaring at it.

"Mosquito. Kill the mosquito." Jean said.

"Mosquito. BURN the mosquito." Roy said.

"Mosquito. DAMN the mosquito." I said.

"Mosquito…?" Al asked.

"Kill the mosquito." Ed said evily.

I laid out some bait for the mosquito to eat.

Mosquito flew to it.

"Yeah…there you are. Yeah…" I muttered. "Come on, settle down." I told the mosquito.

Mosquito stood on it and began eating.

"Dig in." I said, holding up a rolled-up newspaper. I slammed it on the mosquito.

"NUUUUUUU!!!!" Jean yelled. "I wanted to kill it!"

"Gotcha!!" HAHAHAHAHA!!!" I said. "I waited along time to get hold of you, but now look at you now." I said, smushing the newpaper around. "Now what? Whatcha gonna do?" I asked the dead mosquito. "This is revenge!"

More mosquitoes flew in.

"DAMN!!!" Roy yelled, staring at the mosquitoes.

"There's more of you?!" Ed said.

"Ya got your whole family up in here?!" I yelled. "Oooooooooh, it's on now!!" I waved at everyone else. "Come on!"

Mosquitoes are all buzzing.

"KILL THE DAMN MOSQUITO!!!" I yelled.

Everyone's running around, trying to kill the swarm of mosquitoes.

"KILL THE DAMN MOSQUITO!!!" I yelled again.

"Say, get the mosquito. Damn this mosquito." I said. "Say, get the mosquito. DAMN this mosquito." I said. "Say…."

"Get the mosquito. Damn this mosquito. Say, get this mosquito. DAMN THIS MOSQUITO!!!" Everyone else said.

We all started chasing all the mosquitoes, killing only a few.

"KILL THE DAMN MOSQUITOES!!!" I yelled.

The mosquitoes are flying all over the place, and all hide.

"Where you at?!" Hughes yelled. "Yeah, you mosquito, where you at?!"

Mosquitoes start flying through the air again, scared.

"Oh, there you are!" I yelled, pointing to them. "There you are." I said, slapping my hands on one and killing it.

"I'M COMING TO GET YOU THIS TIME!!!" Ed and Roy yelled.

"No games. Just my hand speed baby, just my hand speed." Roy said, putting on his gloves.

"GET OVER HERE!!!" Ed yelled. "COME ON, COME ON!!"

"THERE IT IS!! THERE IT IS!!" Jean yelled, pointing to some.

"WATCH OUT, WATCH OUT!!" Roy yelled, snapping his fingers and burning 5 to a crisp.

"YOU 'BOUT TO DIE! YEAH, MOSQUITO YOU 'BOUT TO DIE!!" Ed yelled, killing 10 mosquitoes.

"THIS IS MURDER!! MOSQUITO MURDER!!!" I yelled, killing more.

"BRING YOUR FRIENDS, I'LL TAKE YOU ALL DOWN!!" Al yelled.

"COME ON YA'LL, BRING THEM ALL DOWN!!" Hughes yelled.

"KILL THE DAMN MOSQUITOES!!!!" Jean yelled.

Mosquitoes are trying to get out of this massacre, but they're all getting killed.

I killed the last one. "Gotcha." I laughed evily.

Roy yawned. "I'm bored."

I looked at Roy, and kicked him.

"Wah?!" Roy said, crawling away from me.

I just stared at him.

Roy stood up, saluting me. "I am the captain of the Star Ship Enterprise." He said.

I nodded.

"Captain Kirk? This is Spark, please get on the transporter." Hughes said on an intercom.

Roy stepped on the couch and stepped off it.

"Dila damn kriscos! Hit by Klignon missiles! No!" Jean yelled.

Roy sighed.

"I'm a doctor." Al announced.

"Not an actor." Roy said.

"Not a milkman." Al said.

"What does that mean?" Roy asked, scratching his head.

"And I'm sorry. He's dead, him." Al said, shaking his head.

"Hit by a torpedooooo" Roy sang. "Lieutenant Uhera. Open hailing frequencies."

"Yes Captain Kirk, opening hailing frequencies sir." I said, saluting Roy.

"Let's boldly go where no man's gone before!" Roy said, pointing out the window. "Hahahahahahahaha." He laughed heartily. "Beam me up, Mr. Scot. Sulu, go to warp."

"Warp 3 sir?" Ed asked, pressing a button.

"No! That will be way too slow!" Roy said.

Ed pressed another button. "Warp 4 sir?" He asked.

"That STILL is way too slow!" Roy insisted.

Ed sighed, pressing another button. "Warp 5 sir?"

"That STILL is too damn slow!!" Roy said.

"Warp 6?"

"Is too damn slow."

"Warp….7?"

"Is too damn slow!!"

"IS TOO DAMN SLOOOOOOWW!!!" We all sang.

"No, no, no, no, no, no, no, NO!!" Roy yelled, stomping his feet.

Everyone stared at him.

"Mr. Jackoff, Mr. Jackoff…" Roy said.

"I am firing torpedo!" I said, pressing a button.

"That will not work, and will be illogical to me." Hughes said.

Everyone stared at him.

"To me." He said again. "To meeeeeee."

"Oooookay." I said, looking away.

"I'm a ninja!!!" Ed yelled. "It's my birthday, I'm a ninja!"

"Brother, quiet. I'm trying to concentrate" Al said, meditating.

Ed stared at him. "Dude, we're ninjas! We graduated from Ninja Tech."

"Yeah, but that means respecting what it means to be a ninja." Al said, sighing. "Which means patie—"

"No, dude!" Ed interrupted "I'm gonna go to parties! I'm gonna be at..people will be at parties! And they won't even know I'm there!"

Hughes and Jean walked to the middle of the room.

"And they'll be like…" Ed started.

"Did you hear something Tad?" Hughes asked Jean.

"No…" Jean said.

"And they look up and I'm all clinging up on the ceiling." Ed said, hanging from the light fixture. "And they'll be like.."

"What the?! A ninja!" Jean yelled, pointing to Ed.

"Awesome! It's a party!" Hughes said.

"And I'll be like, 'Just throw the cake up here, please!'" Ed jumped down from the ceiling. "Dude, I'm a ninja!"

"Listen! No, no, no." Al said, standing up. "Don't exploit—"

"I'm wearing all black." Ed said, taking off his red jacket.

"DON'T exploit the ninja. The ninja is calm…" Al said.

"It's like…" Ed started.

"REPEAT! Calm…" Al said.

Ed sighed. "Calm, yeah I know but…" He said, scratching his head.

"Okay, defense." Al said.

"Oh yeah." Ed said, starting to pay attention.

"Strategy…" Al said.

"…yes." Ed said.

"Eye of the dragon." Al said, grinning and clenching his fists.

Ed makes this really weird sound.

"Feel the power of the energy….from below." Al said, looking at Ed.

"We must go out and ninja in the night!" Ed said.

"You must start our quest." Al said, holding his hand out in the air.

"Shall we?" Ed asked.

"Yes." Al said.

"Like the shadow serpent….silence is my veil." Al sang, as I skipped over and put a veil on Al's head. He ripped it off.

"Yes, and with the precession, of the cobra." Ed sang, as Roy made some pathetic attempt to move like a cobra.

"Ninjas kill and leave no trail." Al said, stabbing me and dragging my 'body' away.

"We know ancient stuff, and we have fun –taken out- things up." Ed and Al sang, meditating and floating around the room.

o.O

Everyone stared at them.

"For instance!" Ed sang, landing on the ground with Al.

Al blinked, pointing to me. "In the confusion of a smoke bomb…" He said, throwing a smoke bomb.

"Wah?!" I yelled, confused.

"I can remove your bra and you wouldn't even notice." Al said, taking my bra. He stared at it. "Ew!!" He yelled, throwing it back to me.

"I can jump roof!" Ed sang, jumping off Roy's desk onto a table. "To roof!" He said, jumping on the couch. "And get my friends…free cable." Ed said, pointing to Roy who was watching tv. "It's bad ass!"

"I used my Chinese star." Al sang, picking one up. "To pick the locks, and steal your car!" Al said, holding up Hughes keys.

"M-m-my car!!" Hughes cried.

"Rock and roll!!" Ed said, doing a disco pose.

"Ninja of the night!" Al sang.

"Ninja of the night!" Ed sang after him, singing high pitched.

Ninja of the…." Al sang.

"Night!" Ed and Al sang together.

"YAY!!" I yelled, clapping my hands.

**That's the end of the chapter!! XD That was really random….yeah…..please review!!**


	3. Enter Hawkeye

**Allo, allo!!! XD It's….another chapter, WHOO!! **

**Disclaimer: I don't own…..FMA. But as soon as it's on EBay, I'M BUYING IT!! DIBS!! IT'S ALL MINE!! –shot-**

**-----------------------**

Everyone was sitting in a square, making milkshakes.

"Who wants to try my milkshake?" I asked.

"Me! Me! Me!" Ed, Al, Jean and Hughes yelled, running up to me.

Roy sniffed. "Noone wants to try mine?" He asked, holding his up.

"Mmmmm. Yumalicious!" Ed said as they tried mine. "WAIT A SEC?! MILKSHAKE?! I'VE BEEN POISONED!!! NUUUUUUUUU!!!!!

"Don't worry. Mine's not made with milk." I said.

"Oh, okay." Ed said, gulping it down.

I grinned at Roy. "My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard." I bragged. "And they're like…"

"It's better then yours." Al said.

"Damn right, it's better then yours." Jean said, sighing happily.

Roy sobbed. "I tried!!"

"I can teach you, but I got to charge." I said, holding out my hand. "500 dollars."

Roy sniffled, giving me 500 bucks.

"Sucker…" I muttered.

Riza ran through the door. "Sir, have you finished your paperwork?!" She asked.

"Gawd, you saved us!" Hughes yelled.

"Yay! Another girl! I was almost overpowered by the opposite gender!" I exclaimed.

Riza blinked. "Something's wrong."

Roy giggled. "Nothing's wrong! Just drink some coffee! It's make you feel aaaaallllll beeeeetter." Roy said, holding one up.

"No thanks." Riza said.

"Exsqueeze me?! I am a higher rank, and I command you to drink it!!" Roy yelled.

"Fine." Riza said, taking the coffee and downing it.

"So? How you feel?" Ed asked.

"I feel…" Riza started.

"NOONE ASKED YOU BIOTCH!!!" Ed yelled.

Hughes sighed. "I wanna go home…" He cried.

"Don't fret! For I shall teach the meaning of life!" Riza said, pointing her finger in the air.

"YAY!" I yelled, sitting on the couch.

Riza started playing an electric guitar. The lights dimmed, and smoke wafted around the floor.

"I'm scared.,.." Roy muttered.

I got up, grabbing the microphone.

Ed started playing the drums in a steady beat.

Riza strummed a cord, and the music got faster.

Al blinked, getting up and playing on the keyboard.

"GET PSYCHO!! I sang loudly, more of a yell.

"WAH?!" Roy yelled.

"I WANNA GET PSYCHO!!" I yelled, holding up a sword.

"Mommy!!" Jean yelled.

"GET PSYCHO!!!" I yelled. "I WANNA WANNA WANNA WANNA…I WANNA GET PSYCHO!!"

Roy started screaming as I started throwing heavily spiked stuff at them.

"RUN YOU LITTLE BITCH!!" I yelled, making Jean squeal and run into a corner of the room.

"I WANT YOUR POWER GLOWING, JUICY FLOWING, RED HOT, MEANING OF LIFE!!" I screamed.

"Stop!!!" Hughes yelled.

"I have pie! Will that make you stop?!" Roy yelled, throwing me a piece of pie.

I ate it quickly. "IT'S NOT ENOUGH TO HAVE A LITTLE TASTE!!! I WANT THE WHOLE DAMN THING, CAN YOU DIG IT?!?!" I yelled.

"WAH!!" Roy yelled, throwing the whole pie.

"Dude, it's the lyrics of the song." I muttered. "NEED TO GET PSYCHO!! WANNA HEAR YOU SAY!!!"

"I need to get psycho….?" Jean said.

"SAY YOU WANT IT, NEED IT!!! DON'T WAIT UNTIL WE FINISH THE SHOW!!" I yelled.

"I want to get psycho…" Roy said.

"IT'S NOT ENOUGH!!! YOU HUNGER FOR MORE!!!" I yelled, stabbing the floor with my sword. "YOU'RE ONE TWISTED LITTLE FUCK AND NOW YOU WANNA GET PSYCHO WITH ME!!!" I yelled.

Everyone stopped playing, and I yawned. "I need some water."

"How about some pepsi?" Roy asked, giving me some.

"What the fuck?!?!" Ed yelled.

I stared at him. "What?"

"Well there was this one time…" Ed started.

"Tell us about it." I said.

"I was in my room. And I was just like, staring at the wall thinking about everything but then again I was thinking about nothing." Ed said in a loud voice, as Al sat on the couch and stared at the wall.

"And then my mom came in, and I didn't even know she was there." Ed said, as Riza walked over to Al. "She called my name and I didn't hear her and she starts screaming…"

"MIKE! MIKE!" Riza screamed.

"And I go.." Ed said.

"What? What's the matter?" Al asked.

"She goes…" Ed said.

"What's the matter with _you_?!" Riza yelled.

"I go…" Ed said.

"There's nothing wrong Mom." Al said.

"She goes…" Ed said.

"Don't tell me that! You're on drugs!" Riza yelled.

"I go…" Ed said.

"No Mom. I'm not on drugs, I'm okay. I'm just thinking, you know? Why don't you give me a pepsi?" Al said.

"She goes…" Ed said.

"NO!! YOU'RE ON DRUGS!!" Riza yelled.

"I go…" Ed said.

"Mom, I'm okay. I'm just thinking." Al insisted.

"She goes…" Ed said.

"NO!! You're not thinking, you're on drugs! Normal people don't act that way!" Riza said.

"I go…"

"Mom, can you just give me a pepsi please?" Al asked.

"All I wanted was a pepsi! And SHE wouldn't give it to me!" Ed yelled, pointing to Riza. "All I wanted was a pepsi! JUST ONE PEPSI!!!" Ed yelled, falling to his knees and slamming his fists onto the ground. "AND SHE WOULDN'T GIVE IT---" He started thrashing around on the ground.

"ED, STOP!!!" I yelled, running over to him. "Here's a pepsi." I said, giving him one.

Ed sniffled. "Thank you." He said, slurping it down.

Jean sighed, smoking his cigarette.

"What the bitch, Jean?" I asked. "Didn't I tell you to stop smoking?!"

"I can't." Jean said.

"Oh?" Hughes asked.

"Yeah." Jean said as music started playing. "Cause everytime I go to try to leave." Jean rapped.

"Whoah." Riza and I sang.

"Something keeps pulling on my sleeve." Jean rapped.

"Whoah." Riza and I sang.

"So everytime I try and tell them no." Jean rapped.

"No." Riza and I sang.

"They won't let me ever let them go." Jean rapped.

"Go." Riza and I sang.

"I'm a sucker. All I'm gonna say." Jean rapped.

"Whoah." Riza and I sang.

"Cause drugs really got a hold of me." Jean finished.

"Haha." Al laughed, then fell silent.

Roy suddenly started laughing loudly and evily.

"Hahahahaha. FUCK YOU!!!!" I yelled.

"Oh mi gawd! I just realized!" Ed said.

"What?" Hughes asked.

"The world….is flat." Ed announced.

"GASP!!" I yelled.

"That can't be true." Jean said, starting to cry.

"IT IS!!!" Ed yelled.

Al blinked. "Prove it."

"Easy!" Ed said, jumping on the desk. "The word is but a flat disc!" He said.

"Then what about the water?" I asked, folding my arms.

"You see, the water just runs on the underside of the Earth, pulled by Earth's gravity!" Ed explained. "And right underneath Earth is hell. "

"That makes no sense!" Riza said.

"Course it does!" Ed said. "The sun revolves around the Earth! When it passes the horizon, the flowing water puts it out! Cause the sun is but a big flaming rock! When it comes up, it passes Hell, the sun lights on fire and the cycle starts again!!"

Roy nodded. "Astounding deduction." He said.

"Well DUH!! He's Ed!" Hughes said.

"Psh, anything he can do I can do better. I can do anything better then him." I said.

"No you can't!" Al said.

"Yes I can." I said.

"No you can't." Al said.

"Yes I can." I said.

"No you can't." Al said.

"Yes I can, yes I can!" I said.

"I don't care that much." Ed said, jumping off the desk.

Jean sighed. "Apricot." He said.

"ZOMG, I KNOW WHAT WE CAN DO!!!!" Riza yelled.

"What?!" I asked.

"Inuyasha parody!" Riza yelled.

"Keh, that's stupid." Ed said, dressed in a red kimono and his hair down.

"Inuyasha!" I said, smacking his head and dressed as a school girl.

Roy started rubbing Riza's butt, whistling and looking away while suddenly dressed as a monk.

Riza slapped him. "Pervert!" She said, dressed in a kimono.

"Miroku!" Al said, sighing, dressed in a whatever Shippo wears.

"Okay, game set match!!" I yelled, getting into a shower.

Ed scratched his head, walking over to me. "Kagome, help me find the Shikon jewel shards." He said.

"Inuyasha, you pervert!!" I yelled. "Sit!!"

Ed blinked. "Huh?"

"Hit the ground idiot!!" I yelled.

"Oh…." Ed said, then smacked into the ground.

I got out of the shower and followed Ed to the other side of the room.

"Kagome!!" Al said, hugging me.

"Hi Shippo." I said. "Hey, lets have a picnic! I made the food myself!" I said, holding up a basket.

"That's a great idea." Riza said, sitting down.

"Hey Inuyasha, try some of my food?" I asked.

"No." Ed said, giving me the middle finger.

"Sit boy." I said.

Ed slammed into the ground.

"Anyone else?" I asked.

"I will, cause I can die like, tomorrow anyway." Roy said, taking a burger and eating it.

"Well?" Riza asked.

Roy twitched and pretended to die.

"Oh well." Riza said, sighing.

Suddenly….

"Inuyasha" Hughes said.

"ZOMG, who was that?!" I said.

"It was I!" Hughes said, coming out in a baboon suit.

"Naraku!"

"Naraku!"

"Naraku!"

"………."

"Naraku!"

Hughes laughed evily. "Inuyasha, give me all your shikon shards."

"No." Ed said.

"Sit boy!" Hughes said, pointing to him.

Everyone stared at him.

"Let's fight!" Ed yelled.

Pointless fight scene.

"Ha! I have defeated another Naraku puppet!" Ed announced.

"YAY!!!!" Everyone but Roy yelled cause he's dead.

"Now what?" Al asked.

"Ooooh. I am Kikyo, and I'm going to drag Inuyasha into hell." Riza said, dressed in a priestess outfit.

"What the…that sounds like Kikyo!" Ed exclaimed. He walked over to Kikyo. "Yo."

"Oh Inuyasha. You're so hot and sexy. Be with me forever in hell even though we broke up 50 years ago?" Riza asked.

Ed shrugged. "Sure."

"What the?! BITCH!!" I yelled, pushing Riza away from Ed. "INUYASHA, SIT!!!"

Ed slammed into the ground.

"Waaaaaah, why Inuyasha? Why are you sneaking back to your ex. again?" I cried, running away.

"Look what you did Inuyasha!" Al yelled.

"And look! Now Kagome got kidnapped!" Riza yelled, pointing to me, who just got kidnapped by someone.

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!" Ed yelled, springing up.

"Inuyasha, help me!" I yelled.

Ed leapt over to me. "Who the hell kidnapped you? I'll kick his ass." He said.

Ed leapt over to me. "Who the hell kidnapped you? I'll kick his ass." He said.

I pointed to Jean.

Ed gasped. "Sesshomaru!" He said.

"Hahahahahaha, I am Sesshomaru." Jean said.

"Damn you, you stole Kagome from me!" Ed said.

"Inuyasha, give me Tetseiga." Jean said, holding out his hand.

"I don't wanna." Ed said, scuffing at the floor with his hands in his pockets.

"Then Kagome will die." Jean said.

"NUUUUUUUU!!!!!" Ed yelled, falling to his knees and crying.

"YEEEEEEEESS!!!" Jean yelled, laughing evilly.

"This is weird." I said, changing back into my regular outfit.

"Yup." Ed said, putting his hair in a braid.

"NUUUUUUU!!!" Riza yelled, running over to Ed. "Your hair looks sexier when its down." She said, unbraiding it.

"NUUUUU!!!" Ed yelled, putting it in a ponytail.

"I'm bored!!!!" Roy yelled.

"I am too!" I yelled, fanning myself.

Roy gasped, staring at me. "You're hot!" He yelled.

"I knoooow! In both ways." I said, twirling my hair with my finger.

"Yeah!" Roy said.

Riza sniffed. "DIE YA BASTAD!!!" She yelled, pulling out her gun.

"WAAAA?!" Roy yelled, running off.

"Tee hee! Just kidding!" Riza said, putting it away.

Al yawned.

Hughes sneezed.

"I WANNA GO HOOOOOOME!!!!" Jean yelled.

"DORITOS!!!!" I yelled.

**End of the chapter. Tee hee!! Gonna work on the next chapter now, byes! Oh and pwease review, but no flames! Me no likey flames!**


	4. Moment of sanity, kissing and a teacher

**And now I would like to present….the long awaited…..4TH CHAPTER, YAAAAAY!!! –throws confetti-**

**Disclaimer: Don't own FMA or any of the songs, machines, etc. I used.**

**Fly, my monkey minions, fly!**

**--------**

Everyone was sitting down on the counter of the bar, sipping coffee except for Roy, who was telling some story.

"And then I kept applying the ointment and eventually, the rash just….went away." Roy said, sighing.

Al made a face. "I don't wanna hear about your skin ailments." He said.

Riza shrugged. "Another coffee please." She said to the bar guy.

Bar guy nodded, sliding another mug to Riza.

"When did I get a bar in my office?" Roy wondered.

"Just shut up." Jean said, sighing.

I giggled. "Remember the time I put a Chef Boyardee poster on Al's back when he still had his armor body?" I asked.

Ed laughed. "Yeah, that was hilarious!"

Al blushed. "I don't remember that!"

"Okay, I'll play a flashback." I said, pulling out a camera.

"NUUUUUU!!!" Al yelled.

"Yay, flashbacks!" Roy said.

The flashback started playing.

I winked at the camera, then held up the poster. "I'm gonna put this on Al's back now!" I said, sneaking behind Al.

"But Brother, this kitty is different! Can't we keep him?" Al asked.

"NO! Put him back where you found him!" Ed yelled, folding his arms.

I put the poster on Al's back, then burst out laughing. "AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!"

Ed and Al stared at me. "Ayumi, what the hell?" Ed asked.

I shrugged, then whistled.

Some kids playing tic-tac-toe on the street looked up. They gasped. "There!" One boy said, pointing to Al.

"W-what?" Al asked.

"GET HIM!!!!" A girl yelled.

"NUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Al yelled, being overrun by kids. They started carrying him off.

"NOOO, AL!!" Ed yelled, blinking.

"WAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" I laughed.

"You did this!?" Ed yelled at me.

"Yup!" I said.

Ed glared at me.

The kids walked over and threw Al back, walking away and muttering something about 'No ravioli', 'Where's the pasta?' and 'What a rip-off!'

Flashback ended.

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Everyone but Al laughed.

Al blinked. "Meanies." He muttered.

"Aw, Al! We're not laughing at you. We're laughing with you." I said, giggling. "It'll be easier to laugh with you if you were laughing though."

"Ha. Ha." Al said.

"That's better!" Hughes said, patting Al's head.

I blinked. "SOMEONE'S ABOUT TO MAGICALLY COME THROUGH THE SEALED DOOR!!!!!!" I yelled, running over to it, while suddenly dressed in a bull-fighter outfit. I held out a silky red cape at the door.

Izumi ran through the door. "ED, AL!!" She yelled.

"Ole!!" I said, pulling the cape away before Izumi ran into it.

"T-t-t-teacher!" Ed said, shivering. He stood up and saluted her.

Al followed suit, grinning goofily.

"Nuuu, another girl! We need more men!" Jean said while Riza put up another hatch mark on the wall in lipstick.

"Boys: 5 Girls: 3!" She announced.

"Where were you?! I had to teach you something! And when I say teach I mean kick your ass!" Izumi yelled, pointing to Ed and Al.

"I'm sorry Teacher, but we've been trapped here all this time. We can't get out!" Al said fearfully.

"What the hell are you talking about?! The door's wide open!" Izumi said, smacking Al on the head.

"Hey, want some coffee?" Jean asked, holding some out.

"Who the hell are you?" Izumi asked, folding her arms.

Jean giggled. "Jean Havoc."

"Well Jean, I don't want your crappy coffee." Izumi said.

"Come on, it's not crappy! It's goooooood" Hughes said, sighing.

"I don't want any!" Izumi said.

"Drink it Teacher. It's good." Ed said in a dreamy voice.

"Yeah, it makes you feel really good." Al said mistily, staring out the window.

Izumi blinked. "You feeling okay?"

Al looked at her. "Just fine! Now that I drank some coffee."

"That settles it. We're leaving." Izumi said, grabbing Ed and Al's arms.

"NUUUU!!" Riza yelled.

"GET HER!' Roy yelled.

"SHE MUST DRINK THE ALL SACRED COFFEE!!!" I yelled, blocking the doorway.

"Get out of the way." Izumi said.

"Nu! Drink some coffee!" I said, holding some out.

"GET OUT OF THE WAY!!" Izumi yelled, slapping the coffee away.

"NUUU!!!" Riza yelled, catching the coffee and quickly downing it.

I pinched her nose shut. "Open up and drink your coffee." I said sweetly, holding out another.

Veins popped all over Izumi's head. She kept her mouth closed tightly, while kicking at me to let go.

I dodged her kicks. "Open your mouth, or you'll die." I said cheerfully.

Izumi continued kicking at me while also turning pale.

"You'll be needing oxygen soon." I said, smiling. I started breathing loudly, moving my eyebrows up and down at Izumi.

Izumi glared at me, starting to turn purple.

"Teacher!" Ed said, prying out of her grip and pulling my hand away. He started tickling her. "Open wide!"

"ED-HAHAHA-WARD!!! LET GO OF HAHAHAHAHA ME!!!" Izumi yelled.

"Yes!" I said triumphantly, pouring coffee down Izumi's throat.

Izumi coughed, trying to spit the coffee out.

"Yay, this calls for celebration!" Roy yelled, dancing around the room.

Izumi blinked. "Awkward." She said.

"Isn't it? Makes you feel good, right?" Riza asked, nudging her.

"Hey, let's invent stuff!!" Roy yelled.

"Yay, I'm gonna invent the telephone!!" Hughes yelled.

"Hughes, the telephone's already been invented." Ed said, sighing.

"Not one made of bananas." Hughes said, pulling a banana out.

"Ooooooooooooooh." Al said, nodding his head slowly.

"Bet you can't do it." Jean said, folding his arms.

"Can too!" Hughes said.

"Yeah, riiiiiiiiight." Jean said, shaking his head.

"Just watch." Roy said.

"Okay, this is an ordinary banana, right?" Hughes asked, showing off a banana.

Roy nodded, looking excited.

"Well, now there are 2 bananas!" Hughes said proudly, holding out another one.

"…..so?" Jean asked, getting bored.

"Okay, I just need to you know, build to the banana so you can communicate!" Hughes said simply.

"That makes sense…" Roy said, nodding his head.

"Well…." Hughes said, cutting a slit in the bananas. "You need peanuts." He said, sticking peanuts into the bananas.

"Ah, I see." Jean muttered.

"And peas." Hughes said, sticking in some peas.

"Yes." Jean said.

"And uh…more peanuts." Hughes said, stuffing a kiwi in.

"Maes, that's a kiwi." Roy pointed out.

"Yes." Hughes said.

"You said it was a peanut." Roy said, blinking.

"Your point will be…"

Roy shrugged.

"Now acid." Hughes said, pouring battery acid into the bananas.

"Mmmhmm." Jean hummed.

"And you need something so that you can hear other people's voices right? So, you need a coconut shell." Hughes said, splitting a coconut in half. "Roy, here. Eat it." Hughes said, holding it out.

"Nuuu, I don't like coconut." Roy whimpered.

"EAT IT!!" Hughes yelled, holding out one of those knives.

Roy cried, eating the coconut. He sobbed into his hand for about 3 minutes, then straightened up, smoothing his hair and wiping his face. "Keep going." He said calmly.

"Well, you attach it like so." Hughes said, sticking it to the top of the bananas. "And now you need something to talk into." He said. "Like squash." He said, holding one up.

"Why squash?" Jean asked.

"Duh. You can talk to squash and it'll ALWAYS talk back." Hughes said, stroking the squash. "Isn't that right, my squashy friend?" He asked.

Roy and Jean stared at Hughes, eyes twitching slightly.

Hughes put the squash on the bananas and smiled. "All done!" He said, handing one to Roy. "Okay, I'll try talking to you now." He said.

Roy smiled. "Yay, I get to help and prove my worth!"

Hughes put the phone to his ear. In seconds battery acid poured from the banana onto his hand, which caught fire.

"Whoah, your hand's on fire!!" Jean said, lighting up a new cigarette on Hughes's hand.

Hughes' eyes widened and he stared at his hand. "Hey, Mustang. Come over here, I want you." He said as calmly as he can with his hand being on fire into the banana phone.

Roy's eyes widened. "Never knew you felt that way about me…wait! I heard you on the telephone!! Yay!!" Roy said, starting to dance and unaware that Hughes is right next to him and can hear every word he says.

"ROY, GET OVER HERE AND PUT MY FUCKING HAND OUT!!!!" Hughes yelled, running around the room and waving his hand around. "MY FRIGGIN' HAND'S ON FIRE!!!" And at that moment, the fire suddenly enlarged. "AAAAUUUUUUGGGHHH!!!"

"STOP, DROP AND ROLL!!! YOU HAVE TO STOP, DROP AND ROLL!!!!" Jean yelled, waving his arms toward the ground.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!" Hughes yelled, waving his hand around more frantically as the fire got worse and worse.

"NUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!" Roy yelled, grabbing a bucket and splashing it on Hughes' head.

"YOU MISSED HIS HAND, IDIOT!!" Jean yelled.

Roy splashed Hughes' hand, blinking. "Well sooooooorry!!" He said.

"I'M MELTING!!! MELTING!!" Hughes yelled, slowly sinking to the floor. "I'M FRIGGIN MELTING!! WHAT A WORLD!! WHAT A WOOOOOORLD!!!"

"NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Roy yelled.

Everyone else was ignoring this and were huddled together playing Barbie.

"Aren't I like, the best and most beautiful girl ever?!" I said, holding up a Barbie doll.

"Why are we doing this again?" Riza asked, pulling out her Barbie's head and starting to chew on it.

"Cause I can't find the Bratz dolls." I said, sighing.

"Oh, sorry. I had them." Al said shyly, pulling them out.

Ed grabbed the Cameron Bratz. "I'm Cameron!" He said.

"I'm Yasmine!" I yelled, snatching it from Al.

"Oh, I'm Jade!" Izumi said, taking Jade. "I love her hair." She said, stroking the doll's head.

"I'll be Cloe!" Riza said.

"OOOOH, SO YOU DON'T WANNA BE SASHA HUH?! CAN'T BE THE BLACK DOLL RIGHT?!?!?!?!?!??!" I yelled in her face.

"N-n-no, that's not t-true…" Riza mumbled, taking the Sasha doll. "I like Sasha." She said, looking like she was about to cry.

"Aw, I'm sorry." I said, hugging her.

"Ewww, girl love." Al said.

"WHO ASKED YOU?!?!?" I yelled, almost throwing Yasmine at Al.

Al blinked. "I'm Dylan!" He announced.

"Yay!" Izumi said, giggling. She started making Jade walk around.

"Hey, Jade!" Ed said, making Cameron walk over to Jade.

'What is it?" Izumi asked, moving the doll around as she talked.

"Wanna come to my house later?" Ed asked.

"Pervert!!" Izumi yelled, whacking Ed with the Jade doll.

"Ow!! I meant to study!!" Ed said, rubbing his head.

"But I thought you were going out with Yasmine." Izumi said.

"It's not like we're going out." Ed said, moving Cameron's arm up to scratch his head.

"Oh, really?" Izumi said evilly, as I started making Yasmine walk towards them. "No I don't want to!" She yelled suddenly, pulling Cameron ontop of her and falling onto the ground.

"What the?!" Ed said, looking at Izumi.

Izumi smirked.

My eyes widened. "ED I MEAN, CAMERON!!!" I yelled.

"Yasmine…."Izumi said in a weak voice.

"It's not what it looks like!" Ed said, pulling Cameron up.

"Oh really?! CAUSE IT PRETTY DAMN LOOKS LIKE YOUR TRYING TO-" I yelled.

"I'm not!" Ed interrupted.

"Yasmine, I was so scared!" Izumi said, making Jade slowly stand up.

"What's going on?" Riza asked, walking Sasha over with Dylan following close behind.

"Ask that bastard Cameron!" I yelled making Yasmine look like she was crying into her hands.

"What did he do to you?" Al asked, making Dylan pat her shoulder.

"I'M TIRED OF THIS!!" I yelled, throwing Yasmine on the ground.

"I AM TOO!!" Ed yelled, throwing Cameron down.

"Oh, okay…" Al said quietly. "I barely got to play."

"LIKE I CARE!!" I yelled.

"DON'T YELL AT MEH BROTHER!" Ed yelled.

"I DON'T FUCKING CARE! AND YOU KNOW WHAT!! YOU'RE SEXY!" I yelled at Ed.

"I KNOW THAT I'M SEXY!!" Ed yelled.

"AND I'm sleepy…" I muttered, falling asleep on Ed's shoulders.

"I am too…" Ed mumbled before dropping to the ground and sleeping while taking me with him.

Izumi poked Ed. "They're dead." She said sadly.

"Nuuuuuu, Nii-san why?!" Al cried.

"They're not dead." Riza said.

"Hughes, why?!" Roy said suddenly, staring at Hughes on the ground.

Hughes stood up. "What?"

"You really love me?" Roy asked, looking scared.

"HELL NO!!" Hughes yelled.

"Ed and Ayumi died." Roy said, pointing to me and Ed on the ground.

"Oh, that's not good is it." Hughes said, shaking his head.

"THEY'RE NOT DEAD!!!" Riza yelled.

"Course they are. Lookit them, all pale and not moving," Izumi said.

"Nuuuuuuuu." Al yelled, crying.

"WHY?!" Jean cried, falling to his knees.

"We gotta bury them." Hughes said.

"Okay. Gotta dress them in better clothes." Roy said, kneeling next to me and starting to pull off my shirt.

My eyes suddenly opened. "What. Are. You. Doing." I hissed, looking at Roy.

"O-oh. Ayumi, you're alive. Ed too by the look of it." Roy said nervously, looking at Ed who just woke up. He quickly let go of my shirt.

I stared at him, sitting up. "Roy Mustang." I hissed, getting to my feet and pulling something from my pocket. "AVADA KEDAVRA!!!!!" I yelled, pointing my wand at Roy.

Al pressed a button and green light flashed through the room.

Izumi put on a fan, making a whooshing sound.

Roy blinked. "Huh?"

I stared at him, then cracked the wand over his head as hard as I could.

Roy's eyes crossed and he hit the ground hard.

I panted, holding the broken wand. I gasped. "Crap, he hasn't drunk any coffee in a while! He might turn back…"

"T-turn back?" Izumi asked.

I nodded. "To the original state of being."

"As in…sane." Ed said, looking scared and shuddering at the thought of sanity.

Jean whimpered. "That's really bad." He whined, remembering the few minutes of him before the coffee incident.

"A-are we all going to go back?" Hughes asked.

"Not if I could help it." I said grimly, my hand shaking. "I guess I can put the formula in the water supply and what-not."

"Great idea!" Riza said, smiling.

"What idea?" I asked, blinking.

"What are we going to do about Roy?" Al asked.

"I say lock him up. He'll be mad about the coffee thing and might not take it." Riza said, glancing at the unconscious colonel.

"Okay! In what?" Ed asked.

"Transmute something." I said, waving my hand around. "Something transperant."

"Ooookay." Ed said, clapping his hand and transmuting a large tank.

"1,2 and ally-oop!!" Riza and Izumi said, throwing Roy in. He hit the ground with a loud thud.

"Now what?" Al asked.

"Ooooh, I know!' Riza said, looking at Jean. She smiled.

"Wah?" Jean asked, smoking his cigarette.

Riza pulled on Jean's arm, dragging him to a corner of the room.

Jean blinked. "Wah?" He asked again.

Riza just smiled, and started making out with him.

Jean blinked again, then made out with her back.

Izumi watched them, waving a flag. "Go, go!" She cheered.

"Never expected _that_ to happen." Hughes said.

I shrugged. "Ya never know."

Roy groaned. "My head…" He mumbled, sitting up and rubbing his head. He opened his eyes. "What the hell?!" He said, staring at the tank he was in.

"He's up!" Ed said, starting to giggle in a slightly disturbing way.

"Yay!" I said, also giggling.

Hughes shrugged, and went over to watch the make-out session Jean and Riza were um…hosting and starring in.

"What the?! What's wrong with you two?" Roy asked, disturbed my and Ed's giggling. He looked over at Jean and Riza. "WHAT THE FUCK?! WHAT'S THE MEANING OF THIS?!" Roy yelled, staring at them.

"Oh, don't mind them, let them make out if they want." Ed giggled.

"Roy, Roy, you want some…coffee?" I giggled.

Roy stared at the cup in my hand. "It was _you_." He hissed.

"Yup, yup!" I said proudly, giggling away.

"Keep that crap away from me." Roy said, glaring at the cup.

"I'm shocked! This is not crap! And I demand that you drink it!" Ed said, folding his arms.

"No." Roy said.

"Fill the tank." I said calmly. "Then he will either drink it, or drown. I'd drink it, I heard drowning isn't that pleasant." I said, smiling at Roy.

"WHAT?!" Roy yelled.

"'Kay, 'kay." Ed said, attaching a hose to the tank and pouring coffee into it. "Bye Roy, gonna watch Jean and Riza make out now." He said, waving.

"Oh, I'm coming!" I said cheerfully, following Ed.

"Hey!" Roy called after us.

"Man, how can Jean be _that_ good?! I thought he didn't get women? Why is he so good at kissin'?" I asked, staring at Jean. I looked at Ed. "I hope _you're_ that good. Better even."

"HELLO?!" Roy yelled, as the coffee started to reach his waist.

Hughes blinked, looking at Roy. "Hey, Roy!" He said, waving.

"Don't just stand there!! Help me!" Roy said, the water rising up to his chest. He stood on tip-toes, trying not to drown.

Hughes walked over and watched him. "I say if you drink the coffee, you wouldn't drown." He said.

"That's what I said!" I called from the other side of the room, still watching Riza and Jean.

"Whoo!!" Izumi cheered.

"I'm not drinking this crap! I don't wanna be shit-headed again." Roy said firmly, as the coffee was at his neck.

"Better to be a shit-head then being, you know, dead." Hughes said shrugging and walking back to the show.

"Hughes! HUGHES, HELP ME!" Roy yelled after him.

"Go, Jean, go!" Hughes cheered.

"Dammit.." Roy muttered, the coffee at his neck. He strained away from it.

Al glanced at him, walking over. "Hey, Roy!" He said cheerfully. "Whatcha doin'?"

"Trying not to drown." Roy said, trying not to get mad at Al. _It's not his fault, he's just got shit for brains right now._ He thought.

"Oooooo." Al said, watching him. Seconds past. "Well, why don't you just…drink the coffee? It'll drain out after you do." He said, shaking his head like Roy was stupid.

"Because Alphonse." Roy said through gritted teeth. "I don't want to."

"Then you're gonna drown. Have fun!" Al said, leaping back to Jean and Riza.

Roy was going to yell at him to come back but the coffee was over his mouth and he closed it tightly.

Riza finally pulled away, grinning and trying to catch her breath. "Man, you can kiss!" She exclaimed in an amazed voice. She just happen to have Jean's cigarette in her mouth, somehow it transferred from Jean's mouth to hers while they were kissing.

"Thanks." Jean said, also out of breath.

"HELP!!" Roy yelled, jumping up over the coffee.

Riza looked at Roy. "Hey Roy." She said casually.

Roy just made a whimpering sound as the coffee flowed under his nose.

I walked over to the tank, pressing my face on it. "Drink. The. Coffee." I said in a low voice.

Roy shook his head, his eyes wide as the coffee went over his nose.

"Then die." I said, turning my back.

Roy banged on the tank, eyes really wide.

"Drink it Roy, or you will drown." I said.

The coffee had finally filled the tank, Roy who was now holding his breath, was banging harder on the glass.

"Ayumi, aren't you going a little too far?" Hughes asked nervously.

"DID I ASK YOU?!" I yelled at Hughes. I folded my arms. "I don't want anyone sane. It's not fun."

Bubbles were flying to the top of the tank.

"FINE!!!" I yelled, pulling out a sledgehammer and smashing it into the tank.

The coffee rushed out, and Roy fell out of the tank.

I poked him. "Roy, you with us? Or are you…"

Roy coughed. "That wasn't fun, ya know." He said weakly.

"Is he…like, sane?" Jean asked.

"Roy, what's 2 + 2?" Ed asked.

Roy rolled his eyes. "Duh. 2+2 fish. Everyone knows that."

"YAY!!" Riza yelled.

"Okay, everyone. Enough excitement. Time to watch a movie." Izumi said, holding up a DVD. She transmuted a t.v. and DVD player.

"Ooooo, what are we watching?" Roy asked, getting everyone some popcorn and soda.

"X-Men, The Last Stand." Izumi announced, popping it in.

"Coolie!" I said, grabbing the popcorn.

"Better hurry, it's getting dark outside." Al said, sitting on the ground.

45 minutes later…

I was chewing popcorn absentmindedly, staring at the t.v.

Roy was watching me. "Hey, Ayumi?"

"Hm?" I said, not looking at Roy.

"That's my popcorn." Roy said.

"That's nice." I said, watching the movie.

Hughes started at me, reaching for his soda.

I took it and slurped the remaining soda out. "Thanks." I muttered.

"What's with her?" Roy asked.

Jean shrugged, sticking jelly beans into the bowl of popcorn.

I picked them up and ate them, not noticing the difference.

Al switched my Sprite with lemonade.

I drank it, still staring at the t.v.

Al snickered.

"That's weird." Ed said,." He looked at me. "Hello?" He asked, waving his hand in front of my face.

I slapped his hand away. "Shut up."

Jean was putting more stuff into the bowl, including nachos, chocolate and beans.

I ate them all, spitting the beans out. "Weird tasting popcorn.

Jean laughed.

"Wow." Roy said simply.

"HAHAHAHAHA!!!" I laughed loudly, as Wolverine stabbed some guys.

Al switched my lemonade with milk. "Ayumi hates milk." She announced.

Izumi's eyes widened. "Al!" He said, amazed.

I reached for the milk and downed it.

Silence except for the killing sounds in the movie.

I gasped, eyes rolling back into my head. I slid down my chair onto the floor, twitching uncontrollably.

"A-Ayumi?" Al asked nervously.

"You see what you do?!" Ed yelled at Al.

"I didn't mean it!" Al cried.

I was jerking more violently now, making weird, choked sounds.

"What if she's allergic!" Riza said, looking scared.

"I stopped, sitting up. I looked at Al. "Never do that again. YOU HEAR ME!!" I yelled.

Al nodded slowly.

"Okay, bored with the movie." I said, turning it off.

Riza hissed. "I'm a vampire." She said suddenly, shielding her face from the light of the room.

"VAMPIRE!!" Izumi yelled, running off.

"Oooh scary." I said, folding my arms and smirking.

Riza glared at me, and bite my neck hard.

"Ow, that hurt bitch!" I yelled, pushing her off.

"Now you're a vampire." Riza said proudly, throwing popcorn at Roy.

"Cut it out!" Roy said to Riza.

"Vampire, huh?" I asked, smiling at Ed. "You're my victim then."

Ed shrugged. "Sure."

"Brother, no!" Al said.

Ed shrugged again.

I bent over his shoulder and bit his neck gently.

"AAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!" Al screamed.

"Al, relax. It doesn't hurt." Ed said, trying to calm him down while I was still attached to his neck.

I bit his neck again, and again, going up his neck.

"Ayumi?" Ed asked.

I smiled, starting to get closer to his face.

Ed blinked. "Ooooh." He said, realizing what I was gonna do. He let me bite up to his face and kiss him.

"Brother!" Al scolded, covering his eyes as we began making out. (**think Jeanne and Wolverine in X-Men 3**)

"Is Ed better then Jean?" Riza asked.

I gave a thumbs up.

Everyone was watching us now.

"Go, go!" Izumi cheered.

2 hours later….

"Aren't you done yet?!" Hughes said, staring at us.

"It's time to go to bed now Brother." Al said, getting into a sleeping bag.

"Just leave them be." Riza said, draping a blanket over us and climbing into her sleeping bag.

"G'night!" Izumi said quickly, falling asleep.

"Night!"

"Cupcake!"

"Morning!"

And everyone else went to bed as Ed and I continued to make out.

**End of the fanfic. And now, some of you are probably mad at me at this point, you know. Making out with Ed and stuff. Before you rip my heart out, let me explain.**

**I am deathly in love with Ed. You can't blame me for that. This is only a fanfic, so I'm not REALLY making out with him. AND remember, Ed's like, drunk right now. He doesn't know what he's doing.**

**And if you don't like it, write your own fanfic and make Ed make out with you. Simple as that.**

**Hope you liked this chapter. A little long but…**

**Please review! No flames though. Flames give me indigestion and heartburn. Not pleasant.**

**RED DAWN!!!!!**


	5. Escape Plans 1, 2 and X

**Sorry that I haven't updated for a while. You see, there's a reason for that. One night while I was dancing almost half naked in my room singing along to "Smack That" one of my neighbors saw it fit to record it and put it on Youtube. I flagged the video minutes after it went up, then sued my neighbor for every penny he had. I won, he cried hysterically, I laughed, and got rich. You may see the court trail Tuesday, on Judge Judy. **

**And gasp! I got a bad review! –points- Nuuu! My over inflated ego ish bruised! Woe! Ah well, can't except all of them to be good. I admit, this is a really stupid fanfic, I use ooc personalities, I use OC characters and etc. But keep in mind, a lot of people do, and they're very successful. And I don't count Ayumi and her sisters as OCs. Just characters left out of the original storyline of FMA, and if the series was longer like it was meant to be, they'd get some screentime. –pouts-**

**Oh, and I switch from 1st person to 3rd person in perspective. –shrugs- Dun kno why.**

**Disclaimer: I, Ayumi Elric, hereby claim that I do NOT own the series of Hagane no Renkinjutsushi (otherwise known as Full Metal Alchemist OR FMA to the lazyasses), or any and all characters associated with the series not the characters of real life used in this fanfiction. These beautifully structured characters and series belong to the ingenious Hiromu Arakawa; this fanfiction is merely for creative entertainment purposes. Thank you. –gasps for air-**

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Everyone was in a tight circle, painting on canvases. It was about afternoonish. I apologize, this chapter was supposed to start in the morning when they wake up, but I got a hangover from getting drunk off non-alcoholic beverages last night and I got lazy and forgot to write it. Ahem.

There is something else I should mention. Everyone is in chibi form (just like the Chibi Party OVA!) EXCEPT for Izumi, who was regular size. Ayumi is, for some unknown reason, wearing Ed's red jacket over a black halter top, and there is this girl with dark magenta eyes and long hip-length brown hair standing at the canvas next to her. That's Kiyoko, Ayumi's sister. Guess she dropped in that morning.

"A is for assholes, B is for bitch! C is for crappy, D is for dick!" Ayumi and Kiyoko sand loudly, painting away.

"Girls! Naughty language is _not_ tolerated." Izumi said, glaring down at them.

"Sorry Mrs. Curtis." They both said sadly, bowing their heads before painting again.

"Okay, time's up!" Izumi announced, clapping her hands to signify their doneness.

"May I show mine first?" Roy asked shyly.

Izumi smiled. "Of course you can Roy." She said, patting on his head like he was a toddler.

Roy smiled. "Yay!" He took the paper off the canvas and held it out for everyone to see. "Look, it's abstract art!"

Everyone stared at it, somewhat in disgust. Jean and Hughes got nosebleeds. Ed and Al looked away, faces red and giggling slightly. Riza cocked her gun. Izumi cracked her knuckles.

Roy looked puzzled. "What?"

"Heehee, Roy drew a naked lady!" Ed proclaimed, pointing to the picture.

"What?" Roy said, shocked. He looked at the picture. "No, it's just a bunch of squiggly lines!"

"Naked lady! Naked lady!" Ed and Al sang, pointing and laughing.

"Roy Mustang, that kind of picture is _not_ appropriate." Izumi scolded.

"But..but…" Roy started.

Ayumi looked closely at the picture. "How _dare_ you draw me naked!" She yelled, bitch-slapping Roy.

Kiyoko looked at the picture next. "How _dare_ you not draw _me!_" She yelled, also bitch-slapping Roy. **(okay, I admit, I got this part from Ned's Declassified. But when I saw it I was like "This HAS to go on Spiked!" Then I noticed that Ned has Ed in it. See? Ned, Ed, Ned. XD)**

Hughes sighed loudly, sitting on Roy's desk (no longer a chibi) and ignoring everyone else. "I wanna go hooooome." He whined.

"Stop complaining!" Kiyoko yelled, bitch-slapping Hughes. Just to let you know, Kiyoko hates Hughes, and was _very_ upset that I made him alive in my series. She wants to violently murder him now, but you Hughes fans wouldn't like that, and it wouldn't be good for my ratings.

"Actually, I wanna go home too." Ed chimed in.

"Awww, poor baby." Ayumi cooed, hugging Ed.

"I say we find a way out." Riza said.

"How about out the window?" Al suggested.

"Brilliant deduction Watson!" Jean exclaimed, pointing a finger to the sky.

"I'm Al." Al said, staring at him.

"That's what I said, geez." Jean muttered, rolling his eyes.

"So, who's gonna jump first to see if it's safe?" Ed asked.

"I will!" Roy said, raising his hand.

"I will too!" Kiyoko said quickly, smiling at Roy.

"Okay then, first to open this window." Ed said, walking over to the window. He punched through it with his automail arm, breaking the window and making a large hole. He then tugged the window open. "There you go."

"That had no point whatsoever." Izumi muttered, shaking her head.

"Okay Roy, ready to fall dramatically out the window, only to realize that you're on the 13th story, and scream bloody murder while falling to your death, which you will meet in 2 minutes time when you splatter onto the concrete, spilling your blood and guts everywhere and eventually dying since no human can jump that high and survive except maybe me, Izumi and Ed?" Ayumi asked innocently.

Roy paled. "Um…um…is there a second choice?"

"BANZAI!!" Ayumi yelled, pushing Roy out the window.

"Roy, my love!" Kiyoko said, looking shocked. She jumped after him.

"Ah, shit, now that's _two_ funerals we have to arrange now." Riza groaned, rubbing her temples.

_**Outside the window…**_

Roy screamed bloody murder, realizing that he was on the 13th story and was now falling to his death, and would be splattering on the ground in 2 minutes time, spilling his blood and guts everywhere and eventually dying since he was just an ordinary porn-obsessed human and couldn't possibly survive a fall this high because he wasn't Ayumi, Izumi OR Ed.

Kiyoko clung onto him. "Roy, save me!!!" She shouted.

_**At ground level…**_

At the door, Breda was standing, sighing at the hopeless giant trampoline seller. There just happened to be a giant trampoline outside the door next to the seller guy. "Look, I'm telling you, we did _not_ order a giant trampoline!"

"Well you could have told me _before_ I set it up, dumbass!" The guy groaned. **(Emperor's New Groove, guilty as charged. –bows head-)**

Luckily for Roy and Kiyoko, they bounced on the trampoline and was being hurtled up into the air and through the window, where they crashed into the wall with a sickening crack,

Ed looked up from the Poker game they were now playing. "Oh, Roy, Kiyoko, nice of you to drop in." He said cheerfully.

"Well, _that_ was a big waste of time." Izumi commented.

"It was, wasn't it?" Hughes agreed.

"So, plan numero uno was a big failure." Ayumi sighed, crossing out the plan written on the wall.

"Now what?" Riza asked.

Al looked around the room. "Maybe…" He looked up. "The vent system?" He asked, pointing up at it.

"Al, you're a ge-ni-us!" Ayumi squealed, glomping him.

"Naw." Al giggled, waving his hand around.

"Okay Roy. Hoist me up!" Ayumi said, pointing at him.

"Aww, why me?" Roy complained.

"Because…you're…tallest." Ayumi thought for a second. "Going up!" She yelled, taking a running start and leaping onto Roy's back.

"Gah! My back!" Roy yelled in agony.

"Blah, blah, blah, your needs." Ayumi scrambled up Roy's back, sitting on his shoulders. "Wow, fine time to be wearing a skirt, right Roy?" Ayumi commented as she fiddled with the vent cover thingy.

"Y-yeah." Roy stuttered, his head filling with porno thoughts.

"Yes! I got it!" Ayumi yelled in triumph, lifting the cover off. "Woah! Woah! Losing balance here! Focus, Roy! Focus!"

"Eheh heh heh…" Roy mumbled, his face flushing intensly.

"Mayday! Mayday! Your commander's falling! Man overboard! Eeeek!" **WHAM!** Ayumi hit the ground, lugging Roy down with her. Her eyes span madly.

"OMG, Ayumi, are you okay?!" Kiyoko panicked.

"Uuueeehh…Mommy, I want some cotton candy…" Ayumi babbled.

"Least she got the vent open." Jean said with a shrug.

"Okay, Roy gets to go up because he's…oldest." Ed said quickly, pulling Roy from the depths of Ayumi's skirt and hoisting him up. "Snap outta it, man!" He said, slapping him hard.

"Ow…" Roy rubbed his cheek. "That hurt, bastard!" Roy yelled.

"Nyaaah, bite me." Ed stuck his tongue out. "Get up there and find us some freedom!" He puncted Roy up into the vent, where he fell out 5 seconds later on the other side of the room, screaming.

"RATS! RATS!" He yelled frantically, pulling the vermin off and throwing it out the window.

"Shit, so that didn't work?" Riza asked, snapping her fingers in disappointment.

"We'll never go home." Hughes wailed.

"Don't worry, there's still hope!" Ayumi declared, all better now.

Suddenly…all the lights switched out.

"Hey! Who turned on the dark?!" Izumi wondered.

"OMG, FREAKING APOCALYPSE!!" Ed screamed, running around madly.

"OW! Fucking rat just bit my balls!" Roy yelled.

Everyone else who didn't just speak right now ran around the room screaming like mad people…which they technically are right now.

"**EVERYONE SHUT THE FUCKING HELL UP!"** Ayumi and Kiyoko yelled together, making total silence.

Kiyoko cleared her throat. "Thank you. Now then…"

"Nyeheh heh heh heh heh…" Someone cackled evilly.

"ZOMG, who was that?!" Jean gasped.

Just then, a high pitched shriek rang through the air. There was a loud, _thump!_-ing soung and the lights switched back on again.

Hughes was on the ground, screaming and in hysterics. Another girl was ontop of him, squealing like a fangirl. Her hair was long and fire-red, reaching up to the midway of her back **(ever seen how Akane from Ranma1/2 had her hair before it was cut? Kinda like that.)** and her eyes were a dark brownish gold color. Let's call it…hazel.

"Ohmigawd, Rei!" Ayumi pointed to the girl identified as Rei.

"Get OFF him!" Izumi yelled, tugging Rei off.

Rei pouted. "No fair, Kiyoko and Ayumi got to cuddle with their men."

"Well duh, but that's diff-how'd you get here anyway?!"

Rei shrugged. "I was following you guys. I didn't want to be alone." She pouted again. "I've been here this whole time. Up there." She pointed to the ceiling.

Ayumi gulped. "So you know about the whole…coffee thing?"

Rei bobbed her head.

Ed looked thoughtful for a sec. "Rei, want some coffee?" He offered, holding one out.

Rei stared at the coffee. "Well…since everyone else had some and I don't want to be left out…" She took it and sipped.

"Well?" Riza asked.

Rei sipped again, keeping her eyes on Hughes. "It tastes funny."

"It might not affect her. She's barely sane as it is." Ayumi commented.

Rei yawned, before chugging the coffee.

"So…Rei, do you have any ideas on how we can escape?" Roy asked, picking the last rat off his pant leg and starting to chew on it's tail.

"Why? Al ran out of ideas?" Jean asked.

Al bowed his head. "Yus."

"Shit."

Rei blinked. "Well…how about you just…walk through the door?"

Ayumi almost exploded. "You idiot! You think we've spent all this time here and just stroll out there as if it was open?! You think we wasted all our time trapped in here?! Gawd! I almost exploded thanks to you!" She yelled, pointing to the words floating above her head that read 'Ayumi almost exploded.'

Rei looked up at the sentence interestingly. "When did they get there?" She asked curiously.

"Ah, shut up."

"Why don't we just try it Ayumi?" Roy asked.

"What the hell do you know?!" Ayumi yelled.

"Why don't…we just try it Ayumi?" Ed asked.

"Oh, sure! Anything for you, Edo!" Ayumi purred, huggling him.

"Okay! At the count of 3, we all charge at the door!" Hughes said, pointing to the open door.

Everyone else nodded.

"Good. 1..2…"

"Wait!" Jean interrupted quickly. "…3 comes after 2, right?"

Hughes slapped him. "Duh! Didn't you go to Elementary School?! Okay, starting over. 1…2…3!"

Everyone except Rei charged at the door. Since it wasn't really locked, or closed, they ran through the door and all crashed into the wall across the hall, staggering back into the office and plopping back on the ground.

Rei bent over them. "Toldja."

---

**OMG! I got all the Arumatsu sisters in! Yay! Rei's so cuuuute in this fanfic. Why isn't she always like that?! Maybe it was the Spike. She became the smartest of them all. Weird…**

**Blech, I'd write more, but I have to get off the computer. My parents are being mean to me. First they made me wear my white jacket, which I do admire because I feel so special and loved while hugging myself, but it's very inconvenient to do stuff with. Then they put me in this room that was all rubbery and white. It wasn't fun, let me tell ya. After screaming bloody murder, I realized to my displeasure that they couldn't hear me. So I thrashed, I threw myself against the walls, then sat quietly in a corner, humming sad songs and imagining make out sessions with various anime characters. My parents let me out, making me promise to be a good girl, then they let me play with the clay, reminding me AGAIN not to eat it. Geez, you eat clay ONE time to see how it looks coming out the other end (ALL MY SISTER'S IDEA), and you're done for life. –pouts-**

**Oh! Almost forgot. Please review! That proves to my doctors that I'm actually doing something slightly productive when it's computer time.**


	6. Presenting the most disturbing chapter!

**WHOOOOOO, UPDATEDNESS! Man, been a long while, hasn't it! I'm sorry, but...I….forgot, ANYWAY! I discovered myspace, YAY! Add me peeps…but I wont display my name yet cause some bastard already kinda hacked my account (I think…) and I'm fucking mad about it so I'm writing this to…to…NOT KILL EVERYONE IN MY HOUSE, AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!**

**Whoops..time for my meds, hey! I found out today that I cant be sugar high and do math at the same time, go figure! LETS START THE FIC! Zomg, WAIT! We're missing something….APPEAR MYSTERIOUSLY, YA EFFING DISCLAIMER!**

**-zomg, disclaimer appears from nowhere- Disclaimer: MYAHAHAHA!! I am the disclaimer of impending DEWM! I SHALL KILL YOU ALL WITH MY DISCLAIMERNESS, MYAHAHAHAH!!!**

**There is a point to the disclaimer besides murder, ya know.**

**Disclaimer: Shit, there is?**

**Disclaim stuff already! Peoples wanna read Spiked!**

**Disclaimer: Durrrrrrr…..oh yeah!! Ayumi Elric doesn't own Full metal Alchemist, WHO WOULDA THUNK IT!**

**Maybe EVERYONE who has a brain. ANYWAY, THIS IS THE START OF THE FIC!**

**---BEHOLDTHEAMAZINGNESSTHATISTHISPAGEBREAKERTHINGY!!!---**

Rei was sitting on Roy's desk, sipping some hot coffee and watching everyone else, who was unconscious on the floor in a large pile.

"Hmmm…" She looked at a clock. "They've all been unconscious for like, 10 minutes now." She sighed. "Wake up you guys!" She yelled, dumping her coffee on everyone else.

"OW! HOT! HOT!" Ed yelled, thrashing around.

Ayumi yawned. "Morning already?" She blinked, realizing where she was. "Ohmigawd! ORGY!"

"AGH! Eeeeww!"

Everyone scrambled around, trying to detangle themselves from each other.

"Gross, gross, gross, GROSS!"

"OMG, _so_ nasty!"

"Damn straight!"

"OW! Who the hell's kicking my balls?!" Roy demanded.

"Heh heh heh…" Ayumi reared back for another kick.

"Onee-chan, stop it!" Kiyoko whined.

_**5 minutes later when everyone was separated…**_

Hughes looked longingly at the door. "We were so close…"

"But you did go outside." Rei pointed out, sipping more coffee.

"Are you kidding me?! Didn't you see how we bounced off that locked door like that?" Jean rolled his eyes at Rei's…stupidity.

"But…you…" Rei sighed. "Look, I'll show you." Rei ran for the door.

"Rei, noo!"

"You should never run with coffee in your hands, Rei! Or...is that scissors…"

**SLAM! **Rei crashed into Lust, who was just walking through the door. Her coffee went flying onto her.

Lust sputtered. "What the hell?! This isn't decaf, EWW! I'm gonna get fat!"

"ZOMG, HOMUNCULI, RIZA GET YER GUNS!!" Roy shouted.

"WAIT, NOO! I'm not gonna murder ya'll anyway." Lust said with a pout.

"Then why are you here?!" Ed demanded.

"Look, Sloth's PMS-ing, Wrath's being a turd, Dante's a bitch, Envy's…well, him, Greed's effing dead, Gluttony's eating stuff and I don't feel like naming the homunculi I left out in this sentence. Is it so wrong to want to come into Roy's office?" Lust asked.

"I…guess not…but no funny stuff, got it?!"

"Pfft, whatever. You know what, I'm leaving, ya'll are way to…well, you guys. I'm too cool for this, so HA!" Lust turned around to leave and realized that she was indeed locked in. "What the spoot?!"

"Yeeeeeeah, that happens." Ayumi said, scratching her head.

"So….we're like…trapped in here…" Lust said slowly.

"Yeah, pretty much." Kiyoko answered.

"Wow, this sucks."

"Doesn't it? We've been trying to leave but…the _man_ just wants us to stay in here."

"Bummer."

Jean stopped picking his nose and staring out the window for a moment. He gasped. "Hey! Lust, since you're all…you know, you, can't you cut through the walls?"

Lust gasped. "Gasp! You're right!" She turned to face the wall, extending her nails. "HOMUNCULI POWAH!" And in 3 neat slashes, a large rectangle was cut into the wall.

"Whoo! Freedom!" Ayumi cheered, kicking down the door. She blinked. "Wah?" It opened up to a boy's bathroom.

"Gah, that stinks." Izumi muttered.

"OMG, finally! I've been holding it in for like, 48 hours!" Ed exclaimed, running inside.

"That happens after drinking all that coffee." Al said with a sigh.

"ZOMG, waterfall machine!" Jean squealed, following after Ed.

Roy thought for a second. "I have to piss." He said slowly.

"Then go, idiot!" Riza said, sighing.

"Oh…okay." Roy said, walking in, followed by the other guys.

"Ohhh, so that's what a urinal is for..ew." Rei said.

"Duh, what did you think it was for?" Lust asked.

"I dunno…washing your hands?" Rei shrugged.

Kiyoko giggled. "Wow, that's sooo hot."

"What is?" Rei stared at her, then followed her gaze into the bathroom. "EW!" She shrieked, covering her eyes. "Gross!! You're watching them pee!?"

"Why not?" Kiyoko responded.

"That's nasty Kiyoko." Ayumi scolded, shaking her head before peering back at the bathroom through her binoculars.

"You're doing it too!" Kiyoko accused. "And frankly, what you're doing is far worse then what I am."

"So?"

"Hypocrite."

"Whatever…man, Ed's well endowed." Ayumi said with a nod.

"What's that mean?" Rei asked.

Ayumi coughed. "That means..that…um…Ed has a nice size…well, you know…"

"Dick?" Riza filled in.

Ayumi blushed. "Thanks Riza." She said sarcastically.

"Anytime!"

"Wait…so does Roy!" Kiyoko said.

"Psh, yeah right. That thang's like a grain or rice, whatcha gonna do with that? Clog a pore?" Ayumi cackled.

"Oh, I've got some ideas." Kiyoko replied with a sick smile.

"Ew…"

"Doooooone!" Al sang, skipping out of the bathroom with everyone else following.

"My, my! Ed, you should've told me that you were that big." Ayumi said, hanging on his shoulders. "You naughty, naughty boy."

"W-wah??" Ed stuttered, turning red.

Lust, who hasn't been talking, was slashing the other side of the room. "Hey, it's a girls bathroom." She announced.

"WHOO, PEE TIME!" Rei yelled, running for the bathroom.

"Wow, that's strange." Lust commented.

"Okay, why the hell is your office in between 2 bathrooms?!" Izumi yelled.

Roy shrugged. "Dunno…"

"We're never gonna get outta here!" Hughes wailed.

"Wait! I know! The window!" Roy yelled, pointing dramatically to it.

"Okay, Roy? We already did that in the last chapter, remember?" Ed said. "Hey! Can we get a flashback?!"

Flashback:

_Roy screamed bloody murder, realizing that he was on the 13th story and was now falling to his death, and would be splattering on the ground in 2 minutes time, spilling his blood and guts everywhere and eventually dying since he was just an ordinary porn-obsessed human and couldn't possibly survive a fall this high because he wasn't Ayumi, Izumi OR Ed._

_Kiyoko clung onto him. "Roy, save me!!!" She shouted._

_Luckily for Roy and Kiyoko, they bounced on the trampoline and was being hurtled up into the air and through the window, where they crashed into the wall with a sickening crack._

End.

Ed laughed. "Okay, now the part with the rats!"

"Hell no, my balls still hurt from that!" Roy exclaimed. "Besides's that's not what I meant."

"Okay, explain."

"Instead of just jumping-or falling- out the window, why don't we just link hands and slowly climb down?" Roy suggested.

"That's a great idea!" Rei said, walking back inside. "Even though that really isn't nessacary because th door's freaking open…"

"You know what Rei? Shut up!" Ayumi sighed. "Okay, lets do it!" She said, grabbing Eoy's hand. She flinched. "Ewww, Roy, your hand's all wet…"

Roy cleared his throat. "Well…there um…wasn't….any toilet paper left…so…"

Ayumi stared at him and smiled. "Roy, please don't tell me you didn't use the hand I'm holding right now to wipe yourself."

Roy chuckled nervously.

"Ewwww!" Shouted everyone else.

Ayumi's smile twitched, then dropped as her eyes started glowing red. ZOMGWTF?! "You..sick…BASTARD!" She screamed, swinging her leg back, then bringing it up full throttle into Roy's crotch, destroying any chance that he'd be able to reproduce and making him lose consciousness.

"Ohhh, that's gotta hurt."

"SICK! NASTY! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU!" Ayumi continued to brutally attack Roy's area of manhood. "DAAAAAMN YOU!" She lifted a large mallet high above her head.

"ZOMGWTF?!?! AYUMI, NOES!" Kiyoko yelled, tackling her to the ground.

"ZOMGWTF?! YURI!!" Al yelled.

"LET ME GO! I must destroy him!" Ayumi snarled, thrashing around.

"I'll kill you Roy, ya hear me?! How dare you! Bastard!"

"Hey Rei, you know what'll calm her down?" Ed asked.

"Why would you wanna do that? This is fun." Rei smiled.

"Aw, come on Rei." Al whined.

Rei sighed. "Ed, kiss her?"

Ed blinked. "What?! I dun wanna!"

"Why not, you did it in chapter 4."

"That's different. I was under the influence…and she was a hot vampire babe!"

"Come on, just one little kiss…"

"Nuu!"

"But you like her anyway, so it's okay!"

"I do not! –blush-"

"Do too! Everyone knows that."

"Do not, do not!"

"So you like Winry?"

"Hell no, I hate her."

"So you like Ayumi."

"What? No!"

"So…you're gay?"

"EH?!"

"Well, you don't like the two common pairings used by Ayumi, even though she hates the second. So you must be gay. You love Al then?"

"He's my brother!"

"This is just so weird…" Al muttered.

"Roy then?"

"HELL NO! I hate that bastard!"

"But what about…"

"It was a fanfiction, gawd!"

"So…you're bi!! You like Ayumi AND Roy…I knew it."

"NO! I'm fucking straight, dammit!"

"Okay, so you like Ayumi."

"Stop saying that, I don't!"

"Liar."

"Am not!"

"Damn you Roy, I'll friggin rip your balls out and make them into a smoothie!"

"Mmmm, smoothie." Hughes sighed dreamily.

"How about this…" Rei grabbed Ed's head, and forced him to kiss Ayumi.

_GAH! Must…keep…thoughts…of….ayumidancingaroundnakedonmylap…out…of…mind…can't..form..coherent..thoughts…WTS?! _Ed thought.

_ZOMGWTF??! Ed's kissing me, yay! Shove that up your ass, Ed fangirls, he's my man! And his spit tastes like cherries, mmm. _Ayumi thought.

_Boobs, miniskirts, sex, bras, girls, sex, lingerie, sex, sex, did I mention sex? Oh, and naked women…yeah…_ Roy thought from his unconscious state.

When they finally pulled away…

"Did you know your spit tasted like cherries?"

"…Um…only on Wednesdays…"

"Today's Wednesday?!"

"Hey everyone! We're gonna do some jump rope, ya wanna stop making out for a second and join us?" Lust called from the other side of the room.

"Sure!" Ayumi pulled Ed over. "Okay, get dressed in these." She said, shoving a pair of shorts into Ed's arms.

Ed blinked. "Eh?"

"You wear that…and I'll wear this…hehehehehe." Ayumi pushed Ed into the bathrooms.

"What the hell is going on with those two?" Hughes asked.

"I say their getting laid." Riza nodded.

"I say Ayumi's a hard kicker." Jean muttered, poking Roy.

"What I don't get is if we have a rope..why aren't we using it to get out." Rei said.

"Stop being an idiot." Lust said.

"Baaaaaack!" Ayumi sang, pulling Ed out. Lessee….Ayumi's wearing a kind of workout out, all red and skin tight and etc. And Ed's wearing a matching shirt/short combo, also skin tight. Okay ya perverts, enough.

"Ayumi, why am I wearing this?" Ed asked, beet red.

"Becaaaause, my ratings might go up and it makes you look hot." Ayumi answered with a smile. "Okay, let's start!"

Al went to the center, starting to jump.

"Strawberry shortcake, cream on top! Tell me the name of your sweet heart! Is is A? B? C?" Lust and Havoc sang, twirling the rope.

Al stumbled when the got to "F". "Awww."

"ZOMG!! IT'S FLETCHER, ISN'T IT?!" Hughes yelled suddenly.

"NOO, IT'S NOT!" Al yelled back, his face flushing.

"Alphonse and Fletcher, sitting inna tree…" Rei and Kiyoko started singing.

"STOP!"

"Okay guys, enough. Ed, your turn!" Ayumi pushed him in.

Ed sighed and started to jump.

"Strawberry shortcake, cream on top! Tell me the name of your sweetheart!"

Ayumi obviously couldn't help to notice how smoothly Ed jumped into the air, landing with the grace of a cat, and how the shorts she had given him outlined every feature as he jumped, making her face flushed. Slowly, she inched towards the rope, laying her hair on the floor.

"Is it A?"

"GAH!" Ed tripped on Ayumi's hair and fell back, luckily landing on her.

"Ohmigawd…" Ayumi panted, blushing madly as her eyes started spinning. "Ohmigawd, ohmigawd, ohmigawd…"

Ed was too dazed to say anything, or realize where his hand was. (ahahaha)

"Ohhhhhhhh…" Everyone stared down at the two. Hughes started to snicker.

"Ed and Ayumi, sitting in a tree." Izumi started singing.

"F-U-C-K-I-N-G!!" Lust squealed.

Rei pranced around them, tossing condom packets everywhere like confetti. "To the happy couple!"

"HOORAY!"

"Man, when did this fanfic become a lemon?" Kiyoko wondered.

"Eh, it's not a lemon. Nothing's being described, and it's not like their doing anything…but lying on each other, basically naked…" Jean shrugged. "Maybe it is a lemon."

_This is sooo going on my myspace…_Ayumi thought with a mental sigh.

--**WHEE--**

**FINALLY! Friggin done…okay, some parts of that was kinda unexpected. You think this chapter boosts up the rating to M? Maybe…**

**Please review! Cause like, I'm learning how to count that way.**


	7. Author's Note

_**Can't believe I'm really doing this but...I've decided that I'm letting go a couple of my series and Spiked is one of them. I really loved doing this series, but it got to be a bit much. I'm sorry everyone.**_

_**-Ayumi Elric**_


	8. Author's Note Part 2!

**XD Second story I did this too, but...April Fool's! You've just been victim to a cruel prank made by yours truly!! -cackles like mad while readers want to kill me-**

**I'll make it up to ya'll by updating later this week! XD Review your reaction and I'll put it on my profile after I take this and the last author's note down.**

**Ayumi**


	9. HUZZAH!

**YAY!! I finally updated! How long has it been? One...3...maybe 4 months or something? n.n; Hahaha, sorry bout that. That, and the prank. Yeeeah...n.n; sorry!**

**Disclaimer: MYAHAHA, Fear my evil and tremble! TREMBLE I SAY! Oh, and Ayumi ain't own nuttin. NYAH!**

**-------**

"AAAAAAHHHH! OMG, NUUUUU!"

"Ayumi, shut up! I'm trying to concentrate!" Ed snapped, going back to his drawing stick figures in sand.

"Don't tell me what to do Edward! We're freaking stranded on an island and all you can do is draw?" Ayumi snapped back, looking at what he was drawing. "Is that supposed to be me?"

"Yup." Ed beamed. "Pretty, huh?"

She stared at it, nodding in approval. "Yeah...you see, it's stuff like this that annoys me about making this fanfic rated M."

Ed shrugged.

"It's sooo hooooot." Izumi whined, walking over to them randomly and fanning herself. "Why did the boat have to crash for?"

"We're never gonna live through this! We'll die! DIE I TELL YOU! AAAHHH!" Roy screamed. Ayumi slapped him. "Snap outta it man!"

Roy rubbed his sore cheek. "Meanie..."

"Whaddya think we do?" Ed asked.

"I say we populate ourselves." Roy snickered, winking at Izumi and Ayumi. Hey, that rhymes!

Izumi and Ayumi gasped and both slapped Roy at the same time.

"GUYS! What the heck is going on here???" Rei yelled, staring at the large sandbox they were standing in, randomly in the middle of Roy's office.

"REI! YOU'VE COME TO SAVE US!" Roy cried, glomping her. "Man, talk about flat." He muttered, patting her non-existant chest. "What a shame, your sisters had grown so well too..."

Rei turned red. "I'm still growning, you jerk!" She said as Roy recieved another slap for his collection.

"It's sad, really. She just can't accept that part of her." Ayumi said, starting to climb a coconut tree and throw the coconuts at random people (Hughes and Jean), knocking them out.

"Shut up Ayumi!" Rei yelled.

"HEY! Isn't it time for the new character to come now in some way, shape or form?" Al asked.

"Calcium." Ed agreed.

Just then!!!

A Tarzan yell rang through the air!

"What's that?!" Ayumi gasped.

"I don't know! It's not in the script!" Roy said frantically, searching through the pages of his script.

"That's what improv is for, fo'!" Al said, smacking him in the back of the head.

_Whoosh!_ Scar swung past them clinging to a vine at an amazing speed!!! And started heading for a fake tree that was really the wall painted to look like a tree.

"Watch out for that-"

**CRACK!**

"...tree." Kiyoko finished.

"Cut! That was gold, tell me we got that!!!" Ed shouted, as he had suddenly obtained a camera and was videotaping this feat.

"Roger!" Riza said excitedly.

"Yes!" Ed pumped his fist into the air.

"Uh...problem. George of the Jungle already owns that." Hughes pointed out in his unconsious state.

"Shit!" Ed snapped his fingers. "Foiled again!"

"Hey, guys! Look at this!" Jean said, calling them over to everyone else, all huddled next to each other and chattering excitedly.

Ed and Ayumi shrugged, coming over.

Scar, all forgotten and smushed against a wall, slowly peeled off the wall un a cartoon matter, floating to the ground like a sheet of paper and all flat.

After Scar reinflated, he stared at everyone huddled together, feeling lonely. _No one notices I'm here..._ He thought tearfully.

At that moment, Lust decided to acknowledge Scar's existance. She squealed. "Scar-san!" She fangirled, pouncing at him and planting a kiss of his scarred forehead.

"Oof!" Scar groaned, trying to push Lust away. Damn! Those boobs of hers were heavy! And big! And...hanging in his face...Scaar took a moment to oogle them interestingly.

"ZOMG, IT'S SCAR!" Ed gasped, pointing to him. Everyone looked at him.

"Woah, it is him!"

"Weeeird!"

"Does he look fatter to you?"

Scar sweatdropped, pushing Lust off of him (Lust: ACK! -falls flat on face-) and stood up, glaring at the lot of them. He got a bad feeling about the goofy smiles on their face.

Ayumi strutted over to him, shaking him by the hand. "HI! I'm Ayumi Arumatsu! You don't know me, but I'm a State Alchemist! Well...kinda...anyway! You're Scar! You kill SAs! Wanna kill me?" She said superfast, smiling then running off. "AAAAAHHHH! HE WANTS TO KILL ME, HEEEEELP!"

Scar stared at her. "What the..."

Ed waved like a madperson. "Hi Scar!!"

Scar gave Ed his trademark "I'm gonna effing KILL you!" look and made a grab for him. When he was sure he had a large tuft of blonde hair in his fist, he reached down on his head and...

**KA-BLAM!!!!!**

Red, sticky stuff went everywhere!!! Girls screamed. Most of the guys pissed in their pants. Roy fainted, collapsing. Hughes started to go to catch him but spotted a SHINY nickel on the ground and went for that instead.

Moving on...Al burst into tears, and Ayumi looked...hmm...like she was gonna violently murder Scar. n.n

Ed blinked, laying on the floor with sticky redness splattered all over the floor. "The hell?"

Besides him, an Ed maniquin thingy lay with it's head torn open and melted red jello leaking out.

Scar smirked. _Ha, I just made a really oevr dramatic scene and made it seemed like I killed Fullmetal...score._ But of course, he wasn't expecting the fist to connect with his face. okay he kinda did, but the mallet was what kit him instead.

**WHAM!**

He slammed into the wall again, with Ayumi stomping over to him, eyes red and hair floating up in a dangerous anime aura. She grabbed him by the collar, pulling him up and started violently shaking him. "YOU BASTARD, HOW DARE YOU KILL MY EDO!!!"

"Uhm...Ayumi...he's still alive." Riza muttered. She didn't listen, starting to strangle Scar.

"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU! YOU SON OF AN ISVARLAN BITCH! HOW COULD YOU?!?!?!"

"Ayumi, stooooop! Edward's fine!"

Al laughed, pointing to Scar's purple face. "Hah!! This is funny!"

Scar on the other hand, obviously didn't think it was funny, cuz he was making weird gargling sounds and foaming at the mouth.

Ed tapped Ayumi's shoulder. She looked at him. He smiled. "Hiya!"

"Edo!" She squealed, pouncing on him. Cat ears and a tail popped up on her as she clinged to him.

Scar plopped unconsious on the floor, completely ignored except for Lust, who was wailing over his body.

_Later..._

Scar finally slipped out of the fun darkness of unconsiousness, blinking at the dim lights and the sudden catway that had replaced the sandbox. Ed and Roy were walking across it, posing and such in their speedos...o.O...

"Whooooo!" Riza cheered, clapping her hands.

"No, no, no, you're doing it all wrong!" Kiyoko yelle,d pushing them off. "THIS is how ya model!" Ayumi and Kiyoko started strutting around the catway in bikinis, posing and whatnot. Ayumi was still part neko..I don't know why...

"What the!!" Scar yelled. They looked at him, all starting to cheer and dance and yell his name. Al threw confetti into his eyes.

"CONGRADULATIONS!!!"

"For what???" Scar asked, rudding pieces of colored paper out of his eyes and mouth.

"You're so far the person who stayed sane the longest!" Izumi explained.

"...huh?"

"But now it's time for you to join us at the loony-bin." Ed said, holding out a cup of coffee. "Want it?"

"Bah! I don't take anything from alchemist scum like you!" Scar bellowed, swiping the cup out of his hands and chucking it at Hughes, who was knocked unconsious again.

"Scar-san, want some?" Lust giggled, holding out another cup.

"Sure." Scar grabbed it and slurped it down.

"Sooooo? How ya feel?" Rei asked.

"I feel...I FEEL-" Scar started when

-BEEP-

"Ohhhh, so sorry Scar, but we ran out of time. Thanks for playing anyway!" Ed said cheerfully, punting Scar out the window. "And we'll see you next time in Spiked! The Game Show!"

"ASPARAGUS!!!" Ayumi screamed, before the credits rolled up and some monkey started to juggle bananas.

----

**BANZAI! n.n Hope you liked that chapter! X3 I got Scar to stay sane for it, HUZZAH! And I think Ed killed him...HUZZAH AGAIN! **

**REVIEW DAMMIT!**


	10. Sporks and Mickey D's

**O...M...G! I'M SO DAMN BORED! DX Man, there's like, NO fanfics for me to read right now. -.-; For the love of...oh! n.n;;; Yeah, I've updated, whoopie! To tell the truth, I coulda updated for the past 2 weeks, since I had it pre-written...damn my lazy-ness...ahh, well...**

**DISCLAIMER: Don't own nuttin, ya asshole -strangles disclaimer-**

**---WHEE---**

Everyone was sitting in a circle on the floor and crosslegged.

Scar stood up, beaming drunkly. "My name's Scar and I like swimming naked in green jello!" He announced proudly.

"Whoo! Good for you!" They all cheered, clapping.

Scar beamed more and sat down. "Okay Ed, what about you?"

"Well, excuuuuse me, but I say melted cotten candy ice cream is _alot_ better to swim in. Naked that is." Ed bragged, smirking.

"Oooooo, take me next time you so swimming!" Ayumi squealed.

Ed shrugged.

"ATTACK!!!" Al roared, grabbing a spork and hurtling it at Roy who toppled over, screaming in pain with the spork sticking out of his eye.

"Al, wtf?!" Kiyoko and Riza both shrieked, running to Roy's side.

Al blinked, then gasped. "Oh no!"

Ayumi gasped an all knowing gasp. "Doods, I just realized..."

"What, that a spork just took over my mind and is now trying to enter Roy's brain through his eye? Cuz like...that's what's obviously happening, what else could be the logical explanation of me suddenly grabbing a spork and hurtling it at Roy's eye, I mean really, what are the odds that I would so something like that, it's just so-"

"Shut up Al!" Rei yelled, inturrupting Al's growing rant. He pouted.

Ayumi waved her hand around nonchalantly. "No, I mean something important."

"Humankind being enspaved by alien fork/spoon hybrids ain't important?" Hughes blinked.

"That's right! Now...my realization...Scar can blow up stuff..." She trailed off to stare at a bird flying into the window and ultimetaly dying. She giggled.

"...that's it? And how many episodes of FMA have you seen?" Riza asked.

"Uh? No! I mean, like, we can escape by having Scar blow a hole into the floor!"

"Ah, good idea." Scar did as told, blowing a portion of the floor up. They cheered. "Freedom!" And with that, they fell.

Right back into Roy's office, as if a filmstrip thingy rolled over (which if you squint at the screen when 'watching' this, you could actually see!), screaming as they crashed into the newly restored room.

"Waugh, my spleen! I think I ruptured it!" Izumi screamed.

"Waaaah, thanks alot Ayumi!" Lust wailed.

"Oh, sure, blame me!" Ayumi whined.

"FREAKING SPORK IN MY EYE!!" Ahaha, you should know who said that. If not...them...uhm...you're an idiot.

"I want my Mommy!" Al cried.

Then...Trisha climbed down from the hole in the ceiling, an empty coffee mug in her hand.

Everyone froze what pained thing they were doing, staring at her. Ayumi of course, was first to speak cuz while on Spike she has a big mouth and talks alot in this fanfic and stuff.

"Holy hell, it's Trisha!!!" Ayumi gasped.

"Mommy!" Ed and Al squealed, running over to hug her.

Trisha smiled. "Sorry I was gone so long. The drive-in line was HUGE!" She nodded, holding up a bag of McDonald's.

"Yay, Mickey D's!"

"Wait...I thought you _died_!" Izumi exclaimed.

Trisha blinked. "Why ever would you think that?"

"Well..." Kiyoko started. "...cuz I saw you die in like...episode 3 or something..."

"Just taking a nap." Trisha sang cheerfully.

"...I sw your grave!" Kiyoko yelled.

"Stage prop." She replied, giggling. "You so silly."

"But the POINT of FMA was that you died and they tried to bring you back to life, dammit!" Kiyoko yelled, flailing her arms.

"You tried to bring me back to life?" Trisha asked Ed, raising her eyebrows.

Ed looked up at the ceiling fan, his eyes spinning as he focused on a particular fan..thingy. "Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...yeeeeees..."

"He failed though." Al nodded.

"What do you mean _**I** _failed!?!?"

"Teehee?"

"Well, there we go! They failed cuz I was still alive, so there was nothing to bring back!" Trisha concluded, clapping her hands. "Who wants chicken nuggets?"

"Ooo! I do!" Ayumi yelled.

"Wait! YOU DIED, DAMMIT!!!!" Kiyoko yelled.

"The summary of FMA _did_ say you died." Rei agreed.

"They did? Ahh, they always do that." Trisha sighed.

"Then explain yhow you freaking missed most of the 51 episodes, PLUS the movie, _PLUS_ the Chibi Party OVA!?!"

"Awww, I missed the chibi party!? Shoot...I wanted to go..." Trisha sniffled/

"Hey guys, let's all just forget this and go to the REAL important issue at hand...THERE'S A SPORK IN YM EFFING EYE!" Roy shouted.

"Oh my! How horrible!" Trisha skipped over and grasped the spork handle.

"Wait, what are y-OOOOOWWWWWWWHOLYSHIIIIIT!!!!!!!!" Trisha tugged the spork out, along with his eye.

"OH GAWD! PAIN! AHH! MY FRICKIN EYE! YOU BITCH, LOOK WHAT YOU DID, OWWW, FUCK!"

"Oops!" Trisha blinked innocently. "My bad."

"And this is the REALY story of how Roy needed to get an eye patch. Trisha pulled out out with a spork." Ayumi announced to the audience, bowing at the many applause. "Thank you!"

"Oooo, coolie! A meatball!" Rei squealed, grabbing the eye and stuffing it into her mouth.

Everyone's face pretty much resembled this when they looked at Rei. o.O!?!?! Except dor Roy, who was more like: DX

"Uh...Rei...?"

"Strangest meatball I ever ate!" Rei stated. "It almost tastes like an eye!"

"...that's because it _is_ an eye."

Rei paled. "Oh gawd!" She yelped, running to the window to vomit.

"Make sure to flush!" Scar called after her.

"And the cow went over the moon!

**-WHEE-**

**ZOMG, that was so much fun to write! X3 So glad I finally got off my lazy ass to write this! Yay!**

**Please review!**


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